


twitter will kill us all

by gen_z_trash (November_Clouds)



Series: Put Your Phone Away, Peter [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Author is bad at tagging, BAMF May Parker (Spider-Man), BAMF Natasha Romanov, BAMF Peter Parker, Bisexual Peter Parker, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Canon Divergence - Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Complete, Crack, F/M, Flash Thompson Redemption, Fluff, Fourth Wall, Gen, Humor, Identity Reveal, M/M, Marvel Universe, Meme Lord Shuri (Marvel), Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Parley, Pepper Potts Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Sam Wilson is So Done, Social Media, Spider-Man Identity Reveal, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Twitter AU, What am I doing, another one, crackfic, gender fluid Loki, idk - Freeform, like the part where tony says 'you're an avenger now', peter isn't recruited as an Avenger, so is basically everyone, spiderley, what do i pUt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-05-16 05:33:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 65
Words: 11,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19311661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/November_Clouds/pseuds/gen_z_trash
Summary: That Web Dude @web_slingeri got a twitterTStark @IAmIronMankid, what did I tell you about getting a twitter?That Web Dude @web_slinger...not to?Spider-Man gets twitter and the world dissolves into chaosOrAnother twitter au





	1. spider-man gets twitter

**Author's Note:**

> UPDATE: 8/16/19: Chapter ideas are closed, please and thank you, the story is written out and will not be added to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know what im doing

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

i got a a twitter [attached pic of a selfie]

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

kid, what did I tell you about getting a twitter?

**> >> That Web Dude @web_slinger**

…not to?

**> >>> TStark @IAmIronMan**

why didn’t you at least use ‘spider-man’ in your @?

**> >>>> That Web Dude @web_slinger**

@spider_man was taken

**> >>>>> audreyyy @spider_man**

guilty as charged

 

**spider-man fan @excitemintmya*s**

SPIDER-MAN HAS A TWITTER ALL MY DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE!!1!

**> > Iron Miss @avengersfanatic**

wait really??? I need to see thiss

**> >> spider-man fan @excitemintmya*s**

@web_slinger AHH. I’M YOUR BIGGEST FANN

**> >>> That Web Dude @web_slinger**

@excitemintmya*s thanks 😉

**> >>>>** **AHHH SPIDER-MAN REPLIED TO ME @excitemintmya*s**

AHHH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please kudos and comment your ideas im weak.


	2. Harley is coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> harley is coming. brace yourselves

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

😊 😀 😊 🥰

**> > emjay @crisissketchbook**

he’s coming

**> >> Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

brace yourselves

**> >>>better than you @princessshuri**

cover your ears everyone

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

HARLEY!!! He’s coming in just TWO HOURS!!! 😊

**> >> Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

I’M SO EXCITED YESSSSSS

**> >>>> may-be @mparker**

Look out, New York. The apocalypse is coming.

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

with my bae [pic of Harley kissing him on the cheek]

_@crisissketchbook, @guyinthechair, @mparker and **13 others** like this_

**> >TStark @IAmIronMan**

Kid, where are you? We arrived at the same time. Did you run into the airport and _jump on the kid?_

**> >> Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

Yes, yes he did.

**> >>> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

i regret nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's so short.
> 
> should i get peter a dog? or a cat? cuz everyone gives him a dog, and i wanna be original. plus, cats are great


	3. The Meme team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> quoting vines. that's it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since im weak, im posting _another_ chapter since i have up until chapter 6 written out. i love the response this has gotten! this one is longer, so i _probably_ won't post until... tomorrow? idk, i might not have time.
> 
> I decided to make flash not a bully, but someone who makes fun of them, cuz i don't him to be meannn. so he doesn't constantly harass peter just sometimes makes fun of him. yeah.

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

my name is peter with a b and I’ve been afraid of insects my whole life.

**> > abe lincoln @abeyman**

wait wait wait. wheres the bee?

**> >> peter with a b @yeeter parkour**

there’s a bEE?

**> >> moon moon @cmoon**

thEres A bEE?

**> >> Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

TheREs a BeE?

**> >> better than you @princessshuri**

tHerES a BeEE?

**> >> perfect shot @birdarcher**

thERes A bEE?

**> >> Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

tHEres a BEe?

**> >> Flash Flash Hundred Yard Dash @notfromDC**

thEReS A bEe?

**> >> red magic @scarywitchgirl**

THERES A BEE?

**> >> emjay @crisissketchbook**

theres a bEE?

 

**better than you @princessshuri**

@web_slinger how did you defeat @CaptainRogers?

**> > That Web Dude @web_slinger**

I shot him in ze legs becuz his shield is the size of a dinner plate and he iz an idiot.

**> >> cap’in @CaptainRogers**

*sigh* he did. he did do that.

**> >>> Iron Miss @avengersfanatic**

WHAT????

 

**TStark @IAmIronMan**

Anyone want to know what my intern @yeeterparkour did today? He got a pack of corndogs, and when I told him to put them back, he lied down and said, and I quote “You can’t make me do anything”, scooting away. [video]

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

no regrets [pic of him holding the corndogs victoriously]

**> >> Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

[pic of him and Peter eating corndogs]

 

**Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

[video of Harley saying “you know what, I’m just going to say it. I don’t care that you broke your elbow to Ned] @guyinthechair

 

**better than you @princessshuri**

[video of her and Peter in the store. She sees a package of life savers and goes up to Peter. “girl, guess what they got, guess what” “what” “la-fee-saa-vee-airs”] found a gem at Walmart with @yeeterparkour

 

**emjay @crisissketchbook**

 [video of Peter sitting on a bed. MJ pushes him off. This is Gospel begins to play. “if you love me, let me gooooooo”] too bad I dont love you, loser @yeeterparkour

**> > peter with a b @yeterparkour**

I swear she does

 

**peter with a b @yeterparkour**

[video in a car with rhodey. Peter sees a sign and grins. “Road work ahead? Yeah, I sure hope it does”] I saw this sign with @IronPatriot, aka rhodey. couldn’t resist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anywayysss, what pet should Pete have? Guest user Lil_Bit03 said he should have a squirrel, which, let's be honest, totally is canon. So I was thinking, maybe he has a cat who despises his little squirrel. Thoughts??????
> 
> Yeah, i am slowly running out of chapter ideas, so help me plz
> 
> Comments and kudos, im weak.


	4. Teenagers Screwing Up (a compilation)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> our favorite idiots being idiots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look, a chapter  
> this one was fun to write, so i hope its fun to read
> 
> all of the tweets have nothing to do with each other, they're just little seperate stories

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

AHHHHH I’M GONNA DIE

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

when’s the funeral?

**> >> emjay @crisissketchbook**

i hope it’s not thursday. im not free thursday.

**> > Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

awwww. 😟 I liked you.

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

You bet you’re gonna die.

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

currently hiding in a cabinet. send help.

**> >Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

To be fair,,, it _is_ your fault

**> >> moon moon @cmoon**

wait what did he do?

**> >>> emjay @crisissketchbook**

[pic of a ruined, fire covered lab] stirred it too fast

**> >>>> moon moon @cmoon**

Damn. welp, see you at the wake.

 

* * *

**Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

Oh crap oh crap ohcrapohcrapohcrap we’re gonna be _so_ screwed.

**> > emjay @crisissketchbook**

it was nice knowing you.

**> > Flash Flash Hundred Yard Dash @notfromDC**

again? No wonder you guys are such wimps, you never pay attention.

**> > abe lincoln @abeyman**

where are you guys?

**> >> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

near the whale. i like whales🐋

**> >>> better than you @princessshuri**

are you lost somewhere, white boy?

**> >>>> emjay @crisissketchbook**

Yeah, a field trip to the Natural History Museum. Losers got lost.

 

* * *

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

In case anyone wanted to know, you should never, ever engage in a prank war with @birdarcher and @notapilot. Ever.

**> > emjay @crisissketchbook**

spill

**> >> Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

yeah, dude

**> > Flash Flash Hundred Yard Dash @notfromDC**

You are the coolest person ever.

 

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

Two words. glitter. cannon.

**> > That Web Dude @web_slinger**

[two pics of Clint’s and Sam’s rooms covered in glitter.]

**> >> perfect shot @birdarcher**

I’M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!!

**> >> CaCaw @notapilot**

TONY CAN’T PROTECT YOU NOW, YOU LITTLE DEMON!!!!!!!

 

* * *

**Doctor Strange @SorcerorSupreme**

@yeeterparkour, bring my stuff back _now_.

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

…what stuff? 😶🙄

**> >> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Okay, a portal opened, I’m scared now uyegfyu gds fy agfyugerdsugu

**> > Flash Flash Hundred Yard Dash @notfromDC**

…what the hell

**> >> Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

dont worry, he’ll live

**> >>> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

hfdghgajgh I lived

**> >>>> moon moon @cmoon**

what’d you steal?

**> >>>>> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

… a kiss 😘

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i require validation plz


	5. No Homo, But That’s Hot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter has a fanboy crush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm posting two chapters at a time because this one is short

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

no homo, but that chris evans guy is hot

**> > emjay @crisissketchbook**

dude. ur bi.

**> >> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

so? hes like the hottest dude ever.

**> >> Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

😟

**> >>> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

except you, harley.

**> >>>> Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

**😊**

**Bird Watcher @whosonfirst**

@yeeterparkour saying no homo but but being homo is totally mood. [rt]

**> > boishere @robinhoodwasright**

ew gay. I prefer natural relationships.

**> >> Bird Watcher @whosonfirst**

BLOCKED! 😊

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you wanna be in the story, just comment something lol. if u want something specific for ur twitter name, your wish is my command
> 
> Comment and kudos cuties ;)


	6. QnA With the Avengers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A QnA!!!!!! Yay!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay this is the last of my "pre-written" chapters. more will come.
> 
> im getting restless so im posting
> 
> i have up until ch 10 written out, i just keep writing, but im running out of ideas

**The Avengers @AvengersOfficial**

We’re having a QnA on Twitter with all the Avengers! Ask away!

**> > ** **wE bEeN kNeW @sbiderwoman**

@russianroulette what is the most sexist thing a guy has said to you (and what did you do to him)

** >>> your worst nightmare @russianroulette**

@sbiderwoman he cat-called me and asked what I was hiding in my dress, so I pulled out the knives I had stashed there and waved them at him. He pissed his pants.

**> > **graceeee @angelgirlie****

@birdarcher how did you get so good at archery? 😍

**> >> perfect shot @birdarcher**

@angelgirlie practice. I practiced 70 hours a week. for several years. i. have wasted. my life.

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

@notapilot are you a pilot?

**> >> CaCaw @notapilot**

@yeeterparkour no

**> > watch your effin language @stfugtfoidgaf**

@lightninggod what is your favorite animal on Earth?

**> >> thunderer @lightninggod**

@stfugtfoidgaf I am quite fond of the retrievers of gold. They are very fuzzy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> isn't nat amazing
> 
> comment cuties!!! ;)
> 
> (suggest ideassss)


	7. Deadpool's Back!!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Immortality Sucks @ogredandblack  
> i’m back in NYC bois

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like deadpool, hes cool

**Immortality Sucks @ogredandblack**

i’m back in NYC bois

**> > That Web Dude @web_slinger**

Wadeeee!!!!!

**> > That Web Dude @web_slinger**

You’re back!!!!!

**> >> Immortality Sucks @ogredandblack**

hey, baby boy

**> >>> That Web Dude @web_slinger**

see you on patrol!!!

**> >>>> TStark @IAmIronMan**

no, kid. stop hanging out with Deadpool. no.

**> >>>>> Immortality Sucks @ogredandblack**

why not old man?

**> >>>>>> TStark @IAmIronMan**

you’re dangerous and a bad influence

**> >>>>>>> Immortality Sucks @ogredandblack**

nah, i like him. i’ll keep my baby boy safe.

 

**AHHH SPIDER-MAN REPLIED TO ME @excitemintmya*s**

spideypool is my new otp. 😊

**> > That Web Dude @web_slinger**

actually, i’m already in a relationship, but thanks ig.

**> > That Web Dude @web_slinger**

also, can you change your name?

**> >> Spidey’s #1 Fan @excitemintmya*s**

😮 you replied again? im shook. i have fulfilled all my goals. i am ready for the sweet release of death. #passthebleach.

**> >>> ded @deadoralive**

mina, no

 

**Immortality Sucks @ogredandblack**

[pic of Deadpool with Spiderman] with my baby boy @web_slinger

 

**DMs with @harleyeehaw**

**Harley-Davidson:** ngl, im a little jealous

 **peter with a b:** dont be. youll always be my bae 😘

hes just a friend

 **Harley-Davidson:** ik

ily <3

 **peter with a b:** ily2 <3

 

**audreyyy @spider_man**

so how do @web_slinger and @ogredandblack know each other 🤔 🤔 🤔

**> > That Web Dude @web_slinger**

we took down a minor drug ring together. then he told me “nice work kid” and left. #antiheroesarethebestheroes

**> >> TStark @IAmIronMan**

It was one of the largest drug cartels in Queens. Give yourself some credit kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment, kudos, and venmo me $50 (jk i dont have venmo)
> 
>  ~~also does anyone know hot to fix the publish date of the story? its supposed to say 6/20/19 but it says 6/22/19, so...~~ nvm i fixed it


	8. F the '-ism's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read it, and you'll understand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little different. I wanted to write the Avengers in, so I did this. All of the tweets are in no specific order.
> 
> Don't question the hashtag at the end, I didn't know what to put
> 
>  ~~**UPDATE: A guest commented on this, asking "why is this so political :/" I assure you, this was not my original intent. If you have a problem with my opinions, just follow the age-old rule: don't like, don't read.**~~  
>  UPDATE (4/22/20) plz don't read this chapter it is g a r b a g e i don't like it :( this chapter can d i e yeah so anyways this is my new opinion lmao plz stop commenting on this stupid chapter if u do i'll delete it i s w e a r

**perfect shot @birdarcher**

SCREW ABLEISM!

**1.2 M rt          2 M likes**

 

**perfect shot @birdarcher**

someone told me that “everyone saying I’m deaf is stupid because disabled people are weak and useless.”

 

**perfect shot @birdarcher**

I _AM_ DEAF!! AND PROUD!!

**> > Iron Miss @avengersfanatic**

wait, you’re deaf??

**> >> perfect shot @birdarcher**

IT’S NOT EVEN COMMON KNOWLEDGE!! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!

* * *

 

**The Better Iron Man @IronPatriot**

you know the nation has a problem when the person you save calls you a n******.

**1.7 M rt          3 M likes**

**> > marianne @ophaslostallsanity**

really people? really?

**> > Bi-bi @lucymhall**

smh the world sucks, get a hold of yourselves people.

* * *

 

**TStark @IAmIronMan**

I’m super angry right now. When we were evacuating a building, one guy pushed past everyone else and asked to be saved first, I’m done with this crap. Just because you’re white doesn’t mean you’re more important.

**3 M rt             2 M likes**

* * *

 

**thunderer @lightninggod**

Why do you Midgardians scorn others different form you? My brother changes genders as the sun rises, and I do not treat him differently because of it.

**3.7 M rt          3 M likes**

* * *

 

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

This tweet is a little more serious than usual. Today, I saved a girl from being mugged. She was nearly beaten _just_ for wearing a headscarf. This is not okay.

**3.2 M rt          3 M likes**

* * *

 

**red magic @scarywitchgirl**

I was in battle, working, on the job, saving people, when the man I was helping stuck his hand up my dress. Women are more than s*x machines, they are people with feelings and _will_ slap you if necessary.

**3 M rt             2.7 M likes**

* * *

 

**cap’in @CaptainRogers**

A man told me today, _told me_ , didn’t ask, that I hated the immigrants and stood by the “real people of our nation” because I’m Captain America. Immigrants make up our society and I love helping them. #MulticolorCountry

**3.5 M rt          3 M likes**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How'd u like it
> 
> Plz send suggestions I'm dying in here


	9. *puppy eyes intensify*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter has a child now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the long-awaited (i hope) squirrel chapter has arrived!!!  
> Chapter idea by Lil_Bit03 thanks sis

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Mr. Stark!

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

Yeah?

**> >> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

I found a squirrel! *turns on puppy eyes* [pic of a red squirrel]

**> >>> TStark @IAmIronMan**

No. Absolutely not.

**> >>> may-be @mparker**

Peter, honey, our apartment doesn’t allow pets.

**> >>>> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

but it’s hurt! just look at him Mr. Stark! *puppy eyes intensify* [pic]

**> >>>>> TStark @IAmIronMan**

Fine. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you can keep him. Just get him immunized and _make sure he stays away from me_.

**> >>>>>> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

 😊his name is Fox and he is my child.

**> >>>>>>> Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

I leave for five minutes-

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

[pic of Peter grinning and showing off Fox with Harley rolling his eyes] with my two favorite boys @harleyeehaw

**> > Flash Flash Hundred Yard Dash @notfromDC**

…what

 

 

 

oh and this is Fox

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so Fox is a red squirrel, and adorable, and peter loves him  
> i know this is short and im sorry. im double posting for y'all, check the next chapter plz
> 
> also im running out of ideas, if you dont want this to end, you better give me ideas, specifically ones about avengers. at this point, i have up until chapter 15 written out, but i need more with the actual avengers, so...


	10. Bucky and Peter could take over the world with cuteness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My Arm Is A Magnet @whitewolf  
> what can I say? I stress bake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluff fluff so much fluff
> 
> and a double update so yay

**Bell Pepper @ppotts**

[video of Peter and Bucky talking in the kitchen. It is obvious that they don’t know the video is being taken. Peter is sitting on the counter, petting Fox, who is sitting on his shoulder. Bucky is wearing an apron and is pulling out cookies from an oven. There is a slip of paper on Bucky’s arm, attached with a magnet. The paper is a grocery list, and the entire scene is strangely domestic.] shhhh @IAmIronMan @yeeterparkour @whitewolf

**> > yes @fandomlyhappened**

OMG SO CUTE!!!

**> >> My Arm Is A Magnet @whitewolf**

what can I say? I stress bake.

 

**My Arm Is A Magnet @whitewolf**

The first time @web_slinger met me, he turned bright red and called me “Mr. Winter Soldier Bucky White Wolf Man Sir” and @CaptainRogers laughed so hard he cried.

**> > green guy @DrBruceBanner**

oh, I remember that. it was hilarious.

**> > That Web Dude @web_slinger**

dude y u expose me?

**> > audreyyy @spider_man**

[.jpg file of a meme that says “Mr. Winter Soldier Bucky White Wolf Man Sir” under Bucky’s picture]

**> >> That Web Dude @web_slinger**

traitor.

 

 

oh and this is the meme

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have written cat chapter it is number 14


	11. Making my way downtown, walking fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> damn the daily bugle can die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is short but important. this directly causes the next chapter. yeah.
> 
> **UPDATE: 10/10/19** ~~I have to put this disclaimer in because two people have clicked on the link. It's not real, guys, I would tell you if it was. One person nearly got a virus, the other managed to get to WalMart? You guys are killing me.~~  
>  Click the link. I d a r e you. (don't worry, it wont take you to a "malicious" website)

**The Daily Bugle @TheDailyBugle**

Tony Stark was seen walking through Queens with his intern Peter Parker. People ask: Is there something more? [www.thedailybulge.com/tony-stark-son](https://www.google.com/search?q=i+put+this+here+to+save+u+if+u+ended+up+clicking+the+link+STUPID&oq=i+put+this+here+to+save+u+if+u+ended+up+clicking+the+link+STUPID&aqs=chrome..69i57.25279j0j7&client=tablet-android-samsung&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#sbfbu=1&pi=i%20put%20this%20here%20to%20save%20u%20if%20u%20ended%20up%20clicking%20the%20link%20STUPID)

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

me: making my way downtown, walking fast

*sees Daily Bugle*

walking faster

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

Sorry, kid

**> >> holden @goddam**

Kid??? As in… son??? As in… secret child???

**> >>> emjay @crisissketchbook**

@goddam piss off

 

**Stark Industries @SIOfficial**

Stark Industries would like to state that there is no biological or lawful relation between Tony Stark and Peter Parker and that anyone harassing Peter Parker will be sued in the court of law by both Stark Industries and Tony Stark. Thank you.

 

**TStark @IAmIronMan**

Don’t mess with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment, kudos, send me love
> 
> (and suggestions)
> 
> if you caught the reference, you get your name in a future chapter! (like ch 19)


	12. Where's Peter?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> o no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry

**Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

Has anyone seen @yeeterparkour? He was supposed to meet up with me two hours ago and isn’t responding to any of my calls or texts.

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

Call me.

**> > emjay @crisissketchbook**

i hope he’s okay

**> > Flash Flash Hundred Yard Dash @notfromDC**

he better just be lost

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

he’s not responding to me either

 

**NYPD @nypd**

[pic of Peter] 17-year-old Peter Parker, intern to Tony Stark, went missing at approximately 5:30 Eastern time on June 27, 2023. He was last seen walking through downtown Queens. Anyone with information is urged to call the NYPD or Stark Industries with information.

 

**may-be @mparker**

Please, find my baby. Please.

**1 K rt               587 likes**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooh cliffie  
> ch 14 is the cat chapter, be ready
> 
> in case you wanted to know:  
> ch 16 aunt may finds out  
> ch 17 prankssss  
> ch 18 ded memes  
> ch 19 im still writing, but its people thanking spider-man  
> ch 20 im still writing but its some random person bollying peter and mr starks like oh no u dont


	13. There's Peter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yayayayayayayayay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D hes found

**NYPD @nypd**

Update on the Peter Parker case: Tony Stark has received a ransom note and proof of life via phone call. Again, we ask people with information to tell the proper authorities.

 

**Stark Industries @SIOffcial**

Stark Industries would like to ask the people of New York to step forward with any information regarding Peter Parker.

 

**NBC New York @NBCNewYork**

This just in: Iron Man was seen flying into a warehouse in the direction of The Bronx 15 minutes ago. [www.nbcnewyork.com/iron-man-warehouse-bronx](http://www.nbcnewyork.com/iron-man-warehouse-bronx)

 

**Stark Industries @SIOfficial**

Stark Industries would like to announce that Peter Parker has been found. Thank you to all who sent in information and condolences.

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

i’m alive pesants

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

[pic of Tony asleep by Peter’s side with Fox on his shoulder] proof that tony Stark has a heart @IAmIronMan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt put it in the story, but peter came out unharmed (because he was being used for ransom). he sent a signal to tony, and he went and got him. the only reason why he couldn't escape was because they threatened may. 
> 
> i will ask this everytime  
> validate me
> 
> if anyone knows how to leave kudos on a story with a psued different from your main one, then hmu
> 
>  ~~and seriously, send suggestions, im dying up here~~ im working through ur guys' suggestions, bear w me


	14. The Best Things in Life Are Found Behind Chipotles™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter with a b @yeeterparkour  
> i was behind a chipotle with Harley and I saw a little kitten!!!!!!
> 
> peter with a b @yeeterparkour  
> it was skinny and lonely and meowing and sad  
> >> TStark @IAmIronMan  
> I don’t like where this is going…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :DDDDD  
> cat chapter has arrived!!!

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

i was behind a chipotle with Harley and I saw a little kitten!!!!!! [pic]

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

it was skinny and lonely and meowing and sad

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

I don’t like where this is going…

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

I took it to Stark Tower ad got it some milk [pic]

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

we already have Fox…

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

i ran into @russianroulette and the kitten _loved_ her. Nat came up with the _perfect_ name for her: Meet Tatiana!!! [pic]

**> > your worst nightmare @russianroulette**

it suits her

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

No. No, no, no. No.

**> > moon moon @cmoon**

So cute!

**> > salsa la vista @sallyyy**

😻

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

then Fox came over, and I don’t think ‘ana likes him… [pic of Fox scampering away from Tatiana]

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

Oh no, she doesn’t like Fox, guess the cat’ll have to go.

**> >> cap’in @CaptainRogers**

C’mon, lay off him Tony

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

and now I’m at the vet getting her checked [pic]

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

Shes getting checked and then going back onto the streets

**> >> emjay @crisissketchbook**

Shut up, she’s staying

**> > better than you @princessshuri**

@realkingofwakanda look, it’s your doppelgänger

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

she is a 15 week old Scottish Fold. Underweight. i signed the adoption papers. She’s mine. @IAmIronMan order cat stuff

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

How does he keep doing this…

**> >> may-be @mparker**

~it shall forever remain a mystery~

 

 

oh and this is Tatiana:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh mi gosh, isnt she _adorable_ :DDDDD
> 
> **I haven't seen Spies are Forever. I hadn't even heard of it until someone asked me if this was a reference to that. It's not. Don't @ me lol**
> 
> i've always wanted a cat, but my mom says no
> 
> i have 4 cat breeds i like:
> 
> [Russian Blue](http://www.animalplanet.com/breedselector/catprofile.do?id=4000)
> 
> [Scottish Fold](http://www.animalplanet.com/breedselector/catprofile.do?id=4010)
> 
> [Manx](http://www.animalplanet.com/breedselector/catprofile.do?id=3040)
> 
> [Cymric](http://www.animalplanet.com/breedselector/catprofile.do?id=2040)
> 
>  
> 
> they're all too amazing!!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> if you're into harry potter and you've heard of [My Immortal](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6829556/1/My-Immortal), I'm going through it and making the grammar less... atrocious. Of course, nothing can save the plotline, but _damn_ this story needs a lot of work. Just an FYI :)
> 
> UPDATE (7/31/19):  
> [My Immortal](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13351337/1/My-Immortal) is finished!!! Please check it out!!!! :)))))


	15. But Really, Who Is He?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> people really can't leave peter alone, can they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, so idk what happened yesterday, but i accidentally uploaded this chapter and i wasnt supposed to, so you're getting the same chapter.

**watch your effin language @stfugtfoidgaf**

I know @IAmIronMan threatened to sue everyone if we talked about his intern, but who is he???

 

**Polka Dots @hitormiss**

we know @yeeterparkour knows the Avengers, he’s an intern, and a sucker when it comes to animals. but he isn’t tony stark’s son…

 

**Iron Miss @avengersfanatic**

@hitormiss he’s really smart, goes to some special school. He’s on the Academic Decathlon team, too.

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

hacking is a crime.

**> >> Iron Miss @avengersfanatic**

Shi-

 

**Stark Industries @SIOfficial**

Stark Industries would like to remind people that anyone attempting to find out more information about Peter Parker will find legal action against them.

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

for the last time, I’m nobody, only an intern. Please leave me alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you wanted an update on the My Immortal project, well,  
>  **Original**  
>  AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG!  
> XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
> Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.  
> “Dumbledore Dumblydore!” we both yelled. Dumbledore came there.  
> “What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?” he asked angrily.  
> “Volsemort has Draco!” we shouted at the same time.  
> He laughed in an evil voice.  
> “No! Don’t! We need to save Draco!” we begged.  
> “No.” he said meanly. “I don’t give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony.” he said while he frowned looking at me. “Besides I never liked him that much anyway.” then he walked away. Vampire started crying. “My Draco!” he moaned. (AN: don’t u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)  
> “Its okay!” I tried to tell him but that didn’t stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. “I had an idea!” he exclaimed.  
> “What?” I asked him.  
> “You’ll see.” he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then…… suddenly we were in Voldemprt’s lair!  
> We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. “Allah Kedavra!” It was……………………………….. Voldemort! 
> 
>  
> 
>  **Revised**  
>  AN: Raven fangs for helping me again I’m sorry I took your poster of Gerard but that guy is such a fucking sex bomb! PREPS STOP FLAMING!  
> XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
> Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.  
> “Dumbledore Dumbledore!” We both yelled. Dumbledore came there.  
> “What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?” he asked angrily.  
> “Voldemort has Draco!” We shouted at the same time.  
> He laughed in an evil voice.  
> “No! Don’t! We need to save Draco!” We begged.  
> “No.” he said meanly. “I don’t give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony.” he said while he frowned looking at me. “Besides I never liked him that much anyway.” then he walked away. Vampire started crying. “My Draco!” he moaned. (AN: Don’t you think gay guys are like so hot!)  
> “It’s okay!” I tried to tell him, but that didn’t stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. “I had an idea!” he exclaimed.  
> “What?” I asked him.  
> “You’ll see.” he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then…… suddenly we were in Voldemort’s lair!  
> We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. “Avada Kedavra!” It was……………………………….. Voldemort!
> 
>  
> 
> btw i dont own this disgusting story


	16. Smh Peter, smh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> may-be: I love you, but you are terrible at keeping secrets
> 
> peter with a b: true

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter idea by frozenchaos9 thanks sis
> 
> i dont know if i can update tomorrow, so you guys are getting an update now.

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

[pic of Spider-Man posing with Aunt May] I love taking selfies with the people I save @mparker

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

dude, im laughing so hard rn 😂

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

she says her nephew is Tony Stark’s intern

**> > may-be @mparker**

Peter?

**THIS TWEET HAS BEEN DELETED**

**DMs with @mparker**

**peter with a b:** uhhhhhh

 **may-be:** you’re spiderman

 **peter with a b:** uhhhhhh I’m jared, 19

 **may-be:** I kind of knew all along

 **peter with a b:** huh

 **may-be:** I love you, but you are terrible at keeping secrets

 **peter with a b:** true

 **peter with a b:** are you mad?

 **may-be:** no

 **may-be:** I’m proud

 **peter with a b:** 😊

 **may-be:** but you are grounded

 

 

 

look i made something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would _love_ if anyone wanted to write out any of my chapters, like in story format instead of tweet. it would make my day!!


	17. Best of Parley’s Pranks, With Your Host… Author!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a video listing the highlights of parley's pranks? you bet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter idea by guest Grace thanks sis
> 
> this one is a little different, it's in story format mostly.  
> i know i told Grace i'd do a prank war, but i completely forgot and wrote this instead, but i hope you like it!!! it was v v fun to write.

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

over the past few months, my boyfriend @harleyeehaw and I have pranked the Avengers many, many times.

**Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

so @yeeterparkour and I would like to showcase our best moments. We hope you enjoy. [video]

 

 _The video opens up on an aerial view of the communal floor of the Tower. Tony walks into the room as the camera switches to the side. The song_ ‘I’m Blue’ _starts playing over Friday’s speakers and Tony curses in surprise. “Friday, turn that off.” The music plays louder. “Damn kids,” can be heard muttered under the man’s breath. Every room is set to play_ I’m Blue _except Steve’s room, so he goes there while he chews out Peter and Harley over the phone._

_The next scene is with Steve. He seems to have called a meeting, and judging by everyone’s tired looks, it’s early. When Steve begins to talk, patriotic music drowns out his words. Steve is annoyed, but Clint, Sam, and Tony are laughing their butts off. Peter and Harley smile innocently._

_The third clip is of poor quality and in dark shades of green, clearly the video was taken with a night vision filter. We see a sleeping Hawkeye. Peter and Harley have gone with the classic whipped cream on hand trick. Peter sprays the good stuff on Clint’s hand while Harley tickles his nose. Clint’s hand shoots up and white cream goes everywhere._

_The next clip opens up in a kitchen. Falcon walks in and pulls a saucepan out of a cupboard. He fills it with water before moving to turn on the stove. The flames shoot up in a column of fire, not unlike one of those over-the-top birthday candles. Sam screams as the flames hit the air near his face. The stove is turned off. “I’M GOING TO GET YOU KIDS!” Sam screams with smoking eyebrows._

_The camera is pointed at a non-descript door. A bucket is balanced precariously on the top. A hand pushes the door open and we all watch as flour is poured on the head of Wanda. She shrieks as she is covered. She wipes the flour out of her eyes silently until she bursts into laughter. “You guys are screwed” an off-screen Tony states. The camera pans over to two terrified teenagers._

_Bucky Barnes is next. He walks out of his room yawning and stretching. As he turns the corner, he is pulled 5 feet by a large electromagnet. Bucky is pinned to the magnet by his arm. He yells and struggles, attracting the attention of the other Avengers. They stop and stare in surprise as the Winter Soldier curses. “Can I kill ‘em now, Steve?” he growls as Peter and Harley enter triumphantly._

_The last scene is a black screen. Words move across the backdrop._ ‘We regret to inform you that we did not pull any pranks against Ms. Romanov and Ms. Potts as we did not wish to lose our lives. Thank you.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, i'll be honest, i forgot thor even existed, sorry.
> 
>  
> 
> also, i wrote [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19443517). It has some trigger warnings, so be wary of your triggers.


	18. The Best Memes Are Dead Memes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dead memes, dead memes everywhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter idea by chipminkle, they've been w me for a while thanks sis  
> i hope u like it, i tried, i dont like it very much
> 
> also happy 4th
> 
> **UPDATE**  
> So I watched [this](https://www.dictionary.com/e/video/5-words-to-describe-your-generation/) video and boy, does it describe Gen Z.

**The kids are dead @chipminkle**

me: *sips bleach*

This is some serious gormet sh*t

**3.2 M rt          3.3 M likes**

**> > wut @whoevenareyou**

Should us millennials be worried?

 

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

random mugger: if you wanna live, give me all your money

kid: bold of you to assume I have money. and want to live.

Man this kid-

**> > ded @deadoralive**

we stan one depressed boi

 

**emjay @crisissketchbook**

my brother: oh no, I died

me: …

my brother: and I was trying so hard to stay alive, too

 

**marianne @ophaslostallsanity**

my crush: where do you want to be in 5 years?

me, under my breath: in your bed

crush: what?

me: i said I WANNA BE DEAD

 

**Polka Dots @hitormiss**

Nobody:

Not a soul:

My cat at 3am: MEOW MEW MEOW FEED ME

 

**yes @fandomlyhappened**

I could die and my work would get an Ouija board and ask if I got someone to cover my shift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got all my memes from [here](https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.memedroid.com/memes/tag/dead/4&sa=D&source=hangouts&ust=1561664722645000&usg=AFQjCNEqaX77szvgwN145TXoiHCHNy7Nbw)
> 
>  
> 
> sorry its so short, i couldnt think of any good, dead memes.


	19. #SpideySavedMyDay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> people ought to thank peter, dont they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter idea from frozenchaos9 thanks sis

**aksjdhhs @kiorran**

Today, I was walking home from the library when a crazy guy with a gun cornered me. Spider-Man swooped in and saved me and I am too grateful. The Avengers may save the day, but Spidey saved _my_ day. #SpideySavedMyDay

 

**Sunny @cinnamoninhotchocolate**

Spider-Man helped me find my brother and sister. I am so thankful, especially since people tend to cat-call me. #SpideySavedMyDay

 

**bravery is me @huhyeah**

Spider-Man brought me my missing daughter after the police forces failed. My baby and I are thankful. #SpideySavedMyDay [pic of them w her daughter]

 

**Brenda @BrendaM**

Spider-Man helped me with my groceries when he saw me struggling. My husband recently passed away and I’ve been having a hard time without him. #SpideySavedMyDay

 

**already tracer @Nov_Clouds**

Spider-Man helped me get my kitten from a tree. Shadow is meowing his thanks. #SpideySavedMyDay [pic of Shadow]

 

**rosey @the_flower_girl**

Spider-Man talked to my screaming toddler, calming him down. I had been trying to get him to be quiet for an hour, and my ears and patience thank him. #SpideySavedMyDay

 

**snowwy @summer_grant**

As I ran away from my abusive brother chasing me, I saw Spider-Man. He apprehended my older brother and took me to safety. @web_slinger if you remember me, Summer says hi. #SpideySavedMyDay

 

**Spidey Stan @frozenchaos9**

Spider-Man rescued me and 3 other children from our burning apartment building. We all got out with minor burns and were treated for smoke inhalation just as the whole thing collapsed. #SpideySavedMyDay

 

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

When I opened twitter this morning to scroll through, I did not expect to be on trending. I am blown away by all your kind words. It’s always just another day when I rescue people and I never expected thank-yous. It was my pleasure serving the people of Queens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u caught the book reference, you get ur name in chapter 21!!!


	20. Tony Stark Is An Overprotective Boi™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> someones bout to die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its short bois  
> chappie idea from emospaceboi thanks sis

**lets leave @itsatrap**

after stalking @yeeterparkour ‘s twitter feed, I have determined that he is basically useless and the only reason why he’s so comfortable with the Avengers is because he pulled a favor and slept with them.

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

That is disgusting. As said before, I am an intern at Stark Industries and worked my way up until I knew Tony Stark personally. You should be ashamed of yourself.

**> >> lets leave @itsatrap**

I’m only stating the only _logical_ conclusion

 

_*Several Hours Later*_

**TStark @IAmIronMan**

@itsatrap Who do you think you are? I’ll have you know that Peter is the brightest kid I know. He has more potential than you ever had, considering you dropped out of college on your 10th day and work at a mainstream bar. Just because Peter doesn’t flaunt his big brain on social media doesn’t give you an excuse to bully him. Peter is 50 times better than you and he’s still in high school! The fact that you had to attack him to the point of tears is pathetic. Good luck ever living this down. [rt’d what the first guy said]

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

uwu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn, that guy can die


	21. International 'Let's Terrorize IKEA' Day!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw  
> [pic of Harley with Peter and Shuri in front of IKEA] @IAmIronMan gave us a room and half a million dollars, so @yeeterparkour, @princessshuri and I are going to raid IKEA. Wish us luck.   
> >> emjay @crisissketchbook  
> luck  
> >> Nedthaniel @guyinthechair  
> luck  
> >> TStark @IAmIronMan  
> no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter idea by QwanisQwan, thanks sis

**better than you @princessshuri**

I’m coming to new york in t-minus 2 hours

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

:DDDD

**> >> TStark @IAmIronMan**

Oh boy…

**> > jocelyn @thatsgreatyall**

OMG, Shuri is coming to NYC! I might see her!!!

**Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

[pic of Harley with Peter and Shuri in front of IKEA] @IAmIronMan gave us a room and half a million dollars, so @yeeterparkour, @princessshuri and I are going to raid IKEA. Wish us luck.

**> > emjay @crisissketchbook**

luck

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

luck

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

no

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

[pic of Harley scaling the shelves] I would die for him @harleyeehaw

 

**better than you @princessshuri**

retweet if 10 beanbag chairs isn’t overkill, like if it is.

**4 M rt             1.7 M likes**

 

**Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

[pic of two bunk beds on a cart] In case you were wondering, if you buy one bunk bed, you get one free.

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

[pic of Shuri measuring something with an IKEA brand measuring tape with a quizzical expression] quick, someone turn this into a meme

**> > emjay @crisissketchbook**

memeshuricouch.jpg

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

teachermeme.jpg

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

why.jpg

 

**better than you @princessshuri**

[pic of her with sunglasses lounging on a bed]

 

**Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

[pic of the receipt. It says 30K.] done with furniture. Time to hit the paint store.

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

I regret everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~you guys better know how _lucky_ you are to _actually get_ the memes. Y'all made me draw. I'll never forgive you. This is why I don't draw things.~~  
> You know what? I'll take the pictures off tomorrow. Because they're trash. I despise these images. Don't save them to your laptop. Or I will flay you. They are really bad. I hate it. 
> 
> thanks to the kindness of Victorias_Secret13, the pics are gone


	22. The One Where Peter, Clint and Tony are Bored in a Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tweeting while in a meeting happens sometimes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> loosely based off of [Chapter 29 of Who Added the Kid?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16370048/chapters/46232950) by [oh_heccity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oh_heccity/pseuds/oh_heccity)

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

Currently in a boring meeting with the avengers (not that I am one) ☹

**> > perfect shot @birdarcher**

What did you just throw at me???

**> >> That Web Dude @web_slinger**

Take it

**> >>> perfect shot @birdarcher**

[pic of a paper clip necklace. It is massive, long enough to fit around a large pizza box.] how… how long did it take to make this?

**> >>>> That Web Dude @web_slinger**

5 minutes. I am a god.

**> >> TStark @IAmIronMan**

Put your phones down and pay attention.

**> >>> That Web Dude @web_slinger**

If you get to play games on your phone, we get to tweet.

**> >>>> TStark @IAmIronMan**

Touché

**> >>>> one eye, amazing spy @nicholasjfury**

Everyone put your phones away.

**> >>>>> perfect shot @birdarcher**

…how did you type that? Everyone’s looking at you???

**> >>>>>> your worst nightmare @russianroulette**

Spy reasons. You should know.

**> >>>>>>> one eye, amazing spy @nicholasjfury**

^^^^^^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how do u like it


	23. People Scaring Peter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter is one scared boi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> read it and weep

**Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

So I walk into a room w Peter. And tony puts a hand on his shoulder. And. He. Jumps. 10 feet into the air. Nearly touches the ceiling. What? [pic of a sheepish Peter]

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Stop exposing me.

 

**better than you @princessshuri**

@yeeterparkour arrived in Wakanda with @IAmIronMan. Okoye walks in with a spear casually and the broken white boy _shrieks_ , thinking Bast knows what. [video of the incident via security cameras]

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

No, stop

 

**your worst nightmare @russianroulette**

since exposing @yeeterparkour for being scared all the time is the latest trend, friendly reminder that the first time Peter saw me, he turned pale and walked out of the room slowly.

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Betrayed by spider-mom, wow

**> > cap’in @CaptainRogers**

Same for when he met me 😂

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did u like it? i based pete off my friend, she screams too


	24. Waow, What a Coincidence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> happy 4th of july and happy caps bday too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik im late but i wrote this on the 4th so...

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!!

 

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

Happy Independence Day everybody! And Happy Birthday to @CaptainRogers, too. He didn’t want me to tell you, but his birthday is the same as America’s! It’s either an insane coincidence or some old comic book writer planned all this. But that’s crazy!

**> > cap’in @CaptainRogers**

Kid, I told you not to… sigh

**> >> That Web Dude @web_slinger**

🙃

 

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

[video of Steve blowing out a candle that says 105. The Avengers (minus Natasha) sing Happy Birthday] Happy Birthday to America’s favorite old man! @CaptainRogers

**> > cap’in @CaptainRogers**

I may be 105, but I feel 39 😃

**> >> TStark @IAmIronMan**

nuh uh. I refuse to be older than you.

**> >>> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

How old _are_ you?

**> >>>> TStark @IAmIronMan**

Too old.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy 4th y'all


	25. Minor Stab Wound™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter has a minor stab wound. but dont worry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

@IAmIronMan I may need help

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

Kid?

**> >> That Web Dude @web_slinger**

I been stabbed, but it’s minor, so don’t worry urewyugry fywgayd gyqeag

**> >>> TStark @IAmIronMan**

Already there kid. no such thing as a ‘minor’ stab wound.

 

**Iron Miss @avengersfanatic**

Nonononono not spidey [rt of the convo]

**> > Spidey’s #1 Fan @excitemintmya*s**

Not my bby. I hope he be okay. Blease

 

**TStark @IAmIronMan**

[pic of Spidey sitting on a hospital bed with two thumbs up] he’s okay now. Spider-Man will be taking like 3 days off.

 

**The Daily Bugle @TheDailyBugle**

Is Spider-Man slacking off? dailybugle.com/spider-man-hiatus

**> > audreyyy @spider_man**

Shut up. You know he’s hurt. Shut. It.

**> >> That Web Dude @web_slinger**

ty

**> >>> audreyyy @spider_man**

yw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bye


	26. The Fluff is Overwhelming (but we don't mind)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluff fluff fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its short, i guess

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

[video of Morgan playing with Tatiana] Morgan seems to have hit it off with Tatiana @IAmIronMan @ppotts

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

😍

**> > Bell Pepper @ppotts**

That’s my girl <3

 

**Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

[pic of asleep Peter drooling on a pillow] isn’t he adorable? <3

**> > may-be @mparker**

aww, reminds me of when he was younger.

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

two words: send. pics.

 

**red magic @scarywitchgirl**

[pic of Peter reading a book to Morgan] I walked in to ask something. I guess it’ll have to wait. #BigBrotherBook @IAmIronMan @ppotts @mparker

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

Kid’s an amazing brother

**> > Bell Pepper @ppotts**

I admire his patience; she’s read that book 50 times.

**> >> No Longer Happy @hhogan**

You can say that again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you'll see more of morgan in chapter 28 :)


	27. We Low-Key Stan Loki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its about time loki got twitter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its short but who cares

**The Avengers @AvengersOfficial**

The Avengers Team welcomes a reformed Loki to Earth. Before saying anything, keep in mind that Loki was being controlled by Thanos when he attacked New York City.

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

welcome Loki!

**> > thunderer @lightninggod**

Yes, welcome brother! I have a great many thing to show him, such as the retrievers of gold and the laboratories of chocolate!

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Hold on, let me make him a twitter

**> >> TStark @IAmIronMan**

No.

 

**hiss imma snek @trickygod**

after researching ‘memes’ on the internet, I have only one thing to say: I wanna kashoot myself

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

We stan.

**> >> TStark @IAmIronMan**

You never listen, do you?

**> >>> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Only when I want to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> peter never listening is mood


	28. 9 Times Morgan Stole Someone’s Phone to Tweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...and one time she didn't have to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know in the tags it says there was no endgame, but when i originally started this story, it was supposed to be post-endgame happy ending and less of a gap betwen iw and endgame. so idk what i want to do anymore.
> 
> this was _so_ damn fun to write, hope you like it

**TStark @IAmIronMan**

I wanna juice pop but mommy said not before lunch but I don’t _want_ lunch.

**> > Bi-bi @lucymhall**

????

**> > Bell Pepper @ppotts**

Morgan, is that you? Get off Daddy’s phone and come eat.

**> >> Bi-bi @lucymhall**

ohhhhhhhhhhh lol

 

**green guy @DrBruceBanner**

I walked into daddy’s lab and he said mommy’s word so I grabbed this phone and now im tryna tell on him

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Morgan, you need to stop grabbing random people’s phones. Come upstairs and we’ll play with you.

 

**Bell Pepper @ppotts**

Im bored, so mommy let me play on her phone but im still bored

**> > Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

Lol, Morgan. Ask Friday for a surprise, she’ll give you something to do. This is like, the third time you tweeted from someone else’s phone.

 

**peter with a b @yeeterpakour**

[link to baby shark]

**> > abe lincoln @abeyman**

Have you, too, succumbed to baby shark?

**> > Flash Flash Hundred Yard Dash @notfromDC**

[reaction image: why’d you have to stoop so low? From Somebody That You Used To Know]

**> >> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Ew, no, Morgan stole my phone

 

**T’Challa @realkingofwakanda**

Kids shouldn’t have to eat green. Green is evil.

**> > better than you @princessshuri**

What

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

Morgan… it isn’t nice to steal people’s phones.

**> >> better than you @princessshuri**

😂

 

**Immortality Sucks @ogredandblack**

I don’t wanna share my daddy, but I do. For the greater good.

**> > ded @deadoralive**

*spits out coffee* WHAT?

**> >> That Web Dude @web_slinger**

It’s just Morgan. Damn, we really need to childproof the phones.

 

**The Better Iron Man @IronPatriot**

Uncle Rhodey is here!!

**> > perfect shot @birdarcher**

Kind of weird to call yourself ‘Uncle Rhodey’. Unless you aren’t Rhodey. Morgan, you rascal. 😍

 

**My Arm Is A Magnet @whitewolf**

My favorite color is pink. Not red. Not blue. Pink.

**> > cap’in @CaptainRogers**

No it’s not 🙃

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

For the record, that’s Morgan. Sorry Barnes.

 

**one eye, amazing spy @nicholasjfury**

don’t tell anyone but im afraid of the dark

**> > red magic @scarywitchgirl**

LMAO! Good one, Morgan.

**> > perfect shot @birdarcher**

How… how did you find his phone unattended? I can’t even take his _lunch_ , and it doesn’t have _classified information_

 

**TStark @IAmIronMan**

I finally childproofed the phones so that Morgan can no longer hack others. Follow her at @mstark.

 

**Daddy’s girl @mstark**

Purple is the best juice pop. Even better than green.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont question how good this 5-year-old's typing is. all the corrections happen with _my_ autocorrect, so i guess that it'd happen with a phone's autocorrect too


	29. We're Going on a Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a field trip to wakanda? no way!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter idea by celtic_cappucino thanks sis

**moon moon @cmoon**

did everyone hear? WE’RE GOING TO WAKANDA!!!!

**> > BB Gunz @bcooper**

Really?? YESSSSS!!!

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

GET READY @princessshuri

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

Yee yee boi

**> > emjay @crisissketchbook**

I hope we see the palace

 

**better than you @princessshuri**

awaiting Midtown’s Academic Decathlon Team’s arrival

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Same, can’t wait to see you show off. too bad we can’t tweet all the stuff since it’s ‘classified’

 

_The AcaDec Group Chat_

_Entering Wakanda_

**Flash:** whoa!

Did you see

How the

And we

Whoa!

 **MJ:** put your fanboy boner away flash

 **Charles:** yeah, flash

 **Betty:** everyone can hear you saying ‘wow’ every 2 secs Charles

_Seeing the City_

**Peter:** hey, they changed some stuff around

 **Ned:** stop flexing on us

 **Abe:** ^^^

 **Peter:** never

 **MJ:** why are you texting if you’re right next to each other

 **Ned:** because we can

_Touring the Lab_

**Charles:** IMG709 – 715

 **Ned:** peter

Truth or dare

 **Sally:** don’t

 **MJ:** guys no

 **Peter:** dare

 **Ned:** I dare you to sing the little einstiens theme song

 **Betty:** don’t do this peter

_*5 minutes later*_

**Ned:** VIDEO267

 **Flash:** still cant believe pr. shuri sang along

 **Charles:** ikr

_Flying Home_

**Sally:** all in all

10 out of 10

Great tech

Would come again

 **MJ:** it was cool ig

 **Ned:** ya

 **Abe:** never seen so many women capable of killing me before

 **Flash:** ikr

 **Peter:** I going again next month so…

 **Betty:** I had fun

Shuri was nice

Oh crap gtg bye

 **Abe:**??? we’re in the same room???

 **Ned:** haha classic betty

 **Peter:** what

 **Ned:** what

_Ned has left the groupchat_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this'll have 65 chapters im not sure  
> it might be 40, because i'm running out of ideas
> 
> i write 7 chapters a week, usually most of them in one or two days, but i can't write if i have no inspiration


	30. Sleep is for the Weak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter cant sleep, poor bby

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

its 3am and I’m binging The Office

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

I’m on my way

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

Peter. Go to sleep.

 **> >>** **peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Never

 

* * *

 

**Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

its 4am and I’m playing scrabble with pete. Spoiler alert im winning

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

No you’re not

**> >> emjay @crisissketchbook**

Yes, he is

**> >> TStark @IAmIronMan**

Go. To sleep.

**> >>> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Sleep is for the weak.

 

* * *

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

its 2am and I can’t sleep

_*5 minutes later*_

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

He’s asleep now 🙂

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slowly running out of ideas


	31. Fox Wins Over Everyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fox is such a cutie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if i continue this story up until the start of school, there will be 65 chapters. but that means i need ideas. im dying up here people

**Daddy’s girl @mstark**

[pic of Morgan and Fox playing] Fox is so cute he loves me!

**> > Bell Pepper @ppotts**

Just be careful

 

**Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

[pic] Peter’s pet squirrel is surprisingly tame

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Ikr 😍

 

**TStark @IAmIronMan**

[pic of Tony and Fox cuddling] I guess the squirrel’s not _that_ bad

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

I told you so

 

**emjay @crisissketchbook**

Fox is the new mascot for my anti animal experimentation protest signs [pic of the signs]

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

He makes a cute mascot

 

**No Longer Happy @hhogan**

The pipsqueak Fox sits on the kid’s shoulder all day. Cute.

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

isn’t he, though 😄

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sned me ideaz


	32. Operation: Get Pepper a Good Anniversary Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tony needs to get something for pepper, and fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk when their anniversary is, but here you go

**TStark @IAmIronMan**

What do I get Pepper for our anniversary? It’s only a matter of time before she discovers that I blocked her on twitter, so we need to hurry.

**> > Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

Get her… idk jewlrey? She probably has enough of that tho…

**> > emjay @crisissketchbook**

Sky-write a love letter idk

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Treat her to dinner and surprise her with a new watch?

**> > The Better Iron Man @IronPatriot**

Take her to a fair or something. She likes rides, right?

**> > No Longer Happy @hhogan**

I agree with the kid. take her to dinner, get her something nice.

**> > perfect shot @birdarcher**

Get her something nice and show her a good time

**> > your worst nightmare @russianroulette**

Get her a nice dress, take her to a not-so-fancy place, enjoy yourselves

**> > may-be @mparker**

Tony, you always over-do everything. Get her something with more emotion value, like a good book. Have someone else run the company and watch Morgan. Just spend some time with each other.

 

**TStark @IAmIronMan**

[pic of Pepper reading with Tony beside her] I took @mparker ’s advice. Thanks 😊

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> send me suggestions plz


	33. Dr. Strange is So Done™️

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> doctor strange tells the famous story of him and peter meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to include dr. strange, so here u go
> 
> I have two prompts if anyone wants to write them , it would make my day!!!
> 
> 1\. Peter or Tony is deaf and they play charades with the Avengers and win because of sign language so Nat and Clint start using sign language too
> 
> 2\. "You don't have to worry about me"   
> "If I don't worry about you, who will?"

**Doctor Strange @SorcerorSupreme**

Since it’s the 2-year anniversary of my meeting Peter Parker, I thought I’d tell the story of how it happened.

 

**Doctor Strange @SorcerorSupreme**

1/? So, I was meeting with @IAmIronMan to talk about something and he brought his intern along so that he could see how things were done. His intern was Peter Parker. Peter was awed by me and referred to me as ‘Mr. Dr. Strange Sir’

 

**Doctor Strange @SorcerorSupreme**

2/? Peter asked maybe a million questions on what I did and asked me to show him some spells. I wouldn’t have, even if Tony didn’t interfere, outright refusing. I talked with TS for a while when my cloak decided to mess with the naïve boy.

 

**Doctor Strange @SorcerorSupreme**

3/4 Peter whirled around each time the cloak tapped him until he yelled about ‘weird magic crap’ and that everyone there ‘needs some milk’. Tony just laughed. At that point, Peter had grown on me, so I agreed to teach him a few things. The first thing he attempted nearly blew up the place.

 

**Doctor Strange @SorcerorSupreme**

4/4 Unfortunately, the boy has grown on me too much, despite asking for my ‘real name’ multiple times. He is a genius but a nerd. Thank you for listening to my TED talk, bye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sned me suggestions plz, i need them


	34. Peter vs Harley: The Accent War!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ever realize that Tennessee has an accent? peter has

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the author asks you to excuse the cringy chapter title
> 
> chapter idea by THIS_is_HARD thanks sis

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

okay, but isn’t harley’s accent the cutest thing?

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

Lol yes

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

[video of Harley talking. Peter is behind the camera. “No, say it again.” Peter says. Harley rolls his eyes at the camera, but complies. “Aam j _us_ t sayin’ we c _an_ ’t go tahnight.” Peter giggles and the video cuts off] 😍

**> > Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

In Tennessee, everyone talks like that

**> > emjay @crisissketchbook**

This is Queens

 

**Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

Peter’s made fun of my accent, but have you heard his? It’s really adorable.

 

**Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

[video of Peter talking. Harley is filming this time. “Say that again.” Harley says. Peter pouts at the camers. “I don’t wont ta go to tha moll today.” He whines. Harley laughs and kisses Peter on the cheek. “Okay.” He says.] so cute!

 **> >** **peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

That’s Queens for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okokkokk
> 
> so harley's accent was inspired by [this](https://youtu.be/UcxByX6rh24?t=4) at 0:40
> 
> I made it so that The Snap and Endgame happened, but happy ending, meaning Tony lived, Steve stayed, Nat lived, Clint's not retired, and Bruce isn't Brulk (cuz that's weird). I changed Peter's age and the year in chapter 12.


	35. A One-Man Twitter War, Chaos and Essential Oils

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> VACCINATE YOUR KIDS PLEASE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter idea by frozenchaos9 they've been with me for a while thanks sis
> 
> I have two prompts if anyone wants to write them , it would make my day!!!
> 
> 1\. Peter or Tony is deaf and they play charades with the Avengers and win because of sign language so Nat and Clint start using sign language too
> 
> 2\. "You don't have to worry about me"   
> "If I don't worry about you, who will?"

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

#DontHateVaccinate

**> > That Web Dude @web_slinger**

#NoDont

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

@web_slinger vaccines save thousands of lives and _there is no such thing_ as a vaccine injury.

**> > That Web Dude @web_slinger**

Say what you want, man. Essential oils are the way to go.

**> >> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

ESSENTAIL OILS ARE ESSENTIALLY GARBAGE!!!

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

@trickygod and I mailed a crateful of pro-vaxx flyers to @web_slinger ‘s room [pic]

**> > That Web Dude @web_slinger**

Really? Because _I_ sent cow poop to _your_ door. [pic]

 

**TStark @IAmIronMan**

@yeeterparkour and @web_slinger need to make up because the entire Tower is a war-zone and I am scared

**> > hiss imma snek @trickygod**

As it should be

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

[pic of Peter and Spider-Man (someone else in the costume) shaking hands] @web_slinger and I have made amends

 

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

[video of Spidey getting vaccinated] Just to clarify, the Twitter beef between @yeeterparkour and I was fake. We ‘fought’ for the sole purpose of spreading awareness about the anti-vaxx issue in the US. Please stay safe and vaccinate.

 

**The Avengers @AvengersOfficial**

The Avengers and all associated parties encourage people to listen to Spider-Man and get vaccinated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please, please, please, vaccinate your children. vaccines have _not_ been proven to do any harm, and people with autism who have also had whooping cough agree that they'd rather have autism
> 
>  
> 
> the next one is all about my boi ned


	36. Dating Advice with Peter Parker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we all know ned likes betty, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no tweets in this one, only dms

**DMs with @guyinthechair**

**peter with a b:** dude

ik u like betty

u should ask her out

 **Nedthaniel:** but

how???

I don’t know how 2 do this peter

 **peter with a b:** u know what she likes, right?

 **Nedthaniel:** yea

math, visiting national monuments and Halsey

 **peter with a b:** after acadec just stay behind and be like

do u wanna get lunch/dinner/high sometime

 **Nedthaniel:** okay…

 **peter with a b:**  she’ll say yes dude, you got this

 **Nedthaniel:** but where do I take her???

 **peter with a b:** dinner, maybe

 **Nedthaniel:** but what do I say???

 **peter with a b:** be urself dude

if she doesn’t like that

then she doesn’t deserve u

 **Nedthaniel:** okay then

if you say so

_*Later*_

**Nedthaniel:** my first date with Betty went great!

thanks pete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay lovely lovelies


	37. Which Disney Princess Are You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang = disney princesses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!

**Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

I was in Peter’s room and he had a Disney Princess Sticker on one of his books. #exposed

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

That was Morgan

**> >> Daddy’s girl @mstark**

No it wasn’t

**> >>> emjay @crisissketchbook**

#exposed

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

okay, so yeah, I like Disney Princesses. I got into them because of Morgan. But they’re cool, okay!

 

**Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

Me, @yeeterparkour , @guyinthechair , @crisissketchbook , @mstark took  one of those ‘Which Disney Princess Are You’ quizzes. I got Jasmine???

**> > emjay @crisissketchbook**

I guess  I’m Vanellope from Wreck-It-Ralph. Pretty accurate tbh

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

I'm Pocahontas boi.

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Me and MJ somehow got the same thing???

**> > Daddy’s girl @mstark**

I’m Jasmine! I have a tiger!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, i actually took [this quiz](https://ohmy.disney.com/quiz/2014/06/25/quiz-which-disney-princess-are-you/) as them and saw what they got.


	38. Tony Stark ≠ Iron Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ever wonder which avengers are the avengers?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD THANKS FOR 1000+ KUDOS OMG THANK YOUUUUU

**The Avengers @AvengersOfficial**

The Avengers have taken a ‘What Avenger Would You Be’ quiz. Check the replies for the results!

**> > your worst nightmare @russianroulette**

This must be rigged – I’m Clint

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

The quiz says I’m Nat???

**> > cap’in @CaptainRogers**

I got Bruce Banner. _So_ sure I would get me.

**> > perfect shot @birdarcher**

I GOT MYSELF!!!! YESSSS!!!!!

**> > green guy @DrBruceBanner**

Sigh… I got Hulk, not Bruce Banner

**> > thunderer @lightninggod**

I got friend Widow of Black and I and confused

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

I wanted to know which OG Avenger I’d be, so I took the quiz and got Bruce Banner!!!!!! I LOVE YOU BRUCE, YOU’RE MY HERO!!!!

**> > Daddy’s girl @mstark**

I got Uncle Bruce too Petey!

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

I??? Got??? Iron Man???

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

I _AM_ IRON MAN AND I DIDN’T GET IRON MAN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i used [this quiz](https://www.buzzfeed.com/vivilevone/which-of-the-original-six-avengers-are-you-7u6wozyapo) as each of the avengers and i was surprised.
> 
>  
> 
> I like to think I can name _something_ in each chapter. So, name a chapter, and I'll reply with my favorite part from the chapter. i swear I won't look. ;)
> 
>  
> 
> You know, whenever someone writes a story about Peter's PTSD, it's always about the building collapsing on him. But when I re-watched Homecoming, I realized that the plane crash, with Coney Island on fire and a huge crash and Peter can't hear and he already hates planes because of his parents - that would cause PTSD too. Just a thought if you wanted to write a story like that.


	39. Peter Has Abs???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the acadec people find out about peter's abs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter idea by introvertedpineapple thanks sis

**Flash Flash Hundred Yard Dash @notfromDC**

[pic of Peter with his shirt half off – he has abs] Parker has abs? Puny Parker who couldn’t do one chin-up without crying? Is this the same guy????

**> > abe lincoln @abeyman**

Me: *spits out tea*❗

**> > BB Gunz @bcooper**

Illuminati Confirmed.

**> > Doing my bestpacito @charli**

@yeeterparkour America eggsblain

**> >> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Internship stuff

**> >>> salsa la vista @sallyyy**

I call hacks

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

It seems my abs are famous. Let me eggsblain. When I got the SI internship and became Tony Stark’s personal intern, I became close with the Avengers. All of a sudden, Black Widow decided I needed to shape up and beat my butt until my abs grew in. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**> > emjay @crisissketchbook**

Sounds good to me

**> > abe lincoln @abeyman**

…right…

**> > salsa la vista @sallyyy**

I still call hacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> send your ideas lovelies i'm running out


	40. Don't Mess with Tony Stark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter sucks at keeping secrets, okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter idea by Dumbledork thanks sis  
> i changed peter's age from 16 to 17

**Spidey’s #1 Fan @excitemintmya*s**

OMG I WAS WALKING THROUGH QUEENS AND I SAW SPIDER-MAN IN A BACK ALLEY TAKING OFF HIS SUIT AND I KNOW WHO HE IS EVERYTHING MAKES SO MUCH SENSE NOW AND DAMN, TOO BAD HE’S TAKEN BECAUSE HE’S CUTE.

**> > That Web Dude @web_slinger**

Uhhh @IAmIronMan what do I do?

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

Check your DMs @excitemintmya*s

**THIS TWEET HAS BEEN DELETED**

**DMs with @IAmIronMan (from the point of view of @excitemintmya*s)**

**TStark:** You saw Spider-Man with the mask off, and you could probably tell that he was that he is a minor. Since he is under 18, Spider-Man has the authority to sue you if you attempt to share any video, image, or information about him. You would lose money, your job, your credibility, and any chance of getting accepted at an Ivey League College. Attached is a Non-Disclosure Agreement for you to sign and return to Stark Industries. If you do not sign it or you break the rules of the agreement, SI _will_ find out and promptly sue you for harassment and exploitation of a minor.

nondissm.docx

 **Spidey’s #1 Fan:** Whoa

Ok, I’ll sign the form

Spider-Man is the Stark Intern Peter Parker, right?

 **TStark:** Yes, this is stated in the NDA

 **Spidey’s #1 Fan:** oh, okay

Everything makes sense now

I just want you to know, I don’t plan on telling people his identity. I understand that people would attack him and his privacy and that his loved ones would be put at risk.

 **TStark:** Thanks for understanding

 **Spidey’s #1 Fan:** Just out of curiosity, what do you know about me?

 **TStark:** Mina O’Day, 19, student at Queensborough Community College studying business, of Irish descent, born February 12, 2004, 2 brothers and a sister. You have a one-year-old niece named Rhea, you’re a B-Average student and your favorite season is Fall.

I could go on

 **Spidey’s #1 Fan:** that.

That’s wow

Yeah, I probably should never mess with you

Ever

 **TStark:** Just a reminder that part of the Agreement is deleting your tweet

 **Spidey’s #1 Fan:** Done! Thanks for reminding me

Damn, this NDA is long. The printer is like dead now.

How did you write a 50+ page NDA in 5 minutes?

 **TStark:** We had one just in case this happened. The kid’s not good at secrets.

 **Spidey’s #1 Fan:** lol. Can I just say I’m a huge fan, Mr. Stark. I’ve been fangirling for the last 5 minutes. 😁

 **TStark:** Thanks, kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sned me ideas


	41. Peter Gets Kidnaped (again)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here we go again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter idea by Lil_Bit03 thanks sis
> 
> Notice: I have exactly ~~five~~ one spot for a chapter left. If you want to have your idea in the story, I have the following slots left:  
>  ~~59~~ taken by Belle513  
>  ~~60~~ taken by themiseryshack  
>  ~~61~~ taken by Superherogeek1  
>  ~~62~~ taken by Lil_Bit03  
> 63
> 
> tell me what chapter you want and if i like the idea, i'll take it.

**Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

@IAmIronMan @harleyeehaw @ppotts @mparker Peter’s missing again, we don’t know where he is.

**> > your worst nightmare @russianroulette**

@birdarcher let’s get to it

**> > perfect shot @birdarcher**

@guyinthechair when did you last talk with him?

**> >> Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

 An hour ago, at 3:30 when we got off school

 

**your worst nightmare @russianroulette**

We have a lead. We’re getting on it

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

**👍**

**DMs with @IAmIronMan (from the point of view of @birdarcher)**

**perfect shot:** closing in

turning on hands-free texting

 **TStark:** keep me updated

 **perfect shot:** we’re in

I hear voices

Hold on

 **TStark:** what are they saying

 **perfect shot:** tOny

this kid

 **TStark:** what????

 **perfect shot:** he’s _lecturing_ the bad guys

“you can make honest money by going to community college and getting a degree

lol this guy

 **TStark:** I was scared for a sec

That’s peter

 **perfect shot:** classic peter

 

**perfect shot @birdarcher**

[pic of Peter standing in front of bad guys sitting on the floor] so… I found Peter… he had the criminals taking notes, he’s such a smart kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next one is super fun


	42. Deadpool Keeps Doing the Radio Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> inspired by Mr. Pool himself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i saw *parts* of Deadpool 2 which is a riot so i had to include this
> 
> Thanks for the ideas everyone!  
> THERE IS ONE CHAPTER SLOT LEFT. CHAPTER 63 IS THE ONLY ONE LEFT. I WILL REVIEW ALL IDEAS AND CHOOSE THE ONE THAT I WANT TO WRITE.  
> Or do you guys want me to write Peter re-creating the "Toss Me My Keys" Vines with Tony?

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

It’s 2:30am and Deadpool is outside my window with a mini stereo.

 

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

[video of Deadpool saying “I know the last time we were together, I nearly got you killed and your Iron Man found out. I’m sorry. I’m sorry our bro-friendship is forbidden. Open your window and we can run away together.”] what

 

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

Iron Man is outside. They’re talking. Oh, Deadpool got punched in the nose. Ooh, that’s gotta hurt. Oh man, Iron Man’s prepping his guns.

 

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

Press F to pay respect to Deadpool’s left arm and his dignity.

**> > Immortality Sucks @ogredandblack**

My dignity is more invincible than I am.

**> >> That Web Dude @web_slinger**

Excuse me, I stand corrected

**> >> pretty pink @beautifulscum**

Hi Wade!

**> >>> Immortality Sucks @ogredandblack**

Hi Yukio!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	43. Another Field Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone: thank you peter  
> Peter: bow to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since no one responded for chapter 63, i'm just going to write Peter re-creating "Toss Me My Keys"

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

To my AcaDec Team… I got you guys a field trip to Stark Tower!!!

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

YEAH BOI

**> > BB Gunz @bcooper**

Can’t wait!!!!!!!

_*3 Days Later*_

_The AcaDec Group Chat_

_On the Bus_

**Flash:** I’m pumped!

 **Ned:** me too!

Thank you Peter!!!!

 **Abe:** do you think we’ll see any Avengers?

 **Peter:** yes.

Yes yes yes yes yes.

They will embarrass me

I just know it

 **MJ:** on the bright side

Black Widow will probably be there

_In the Lobby_

**Sally:** this place is _huge_

 **Charles:** wow

Look at the badges

 **MJ:** dude put ur phone away

_Avengers Exhibit_

**Betty:** OMG u have to check out the Black Widow exhibit

 **Sally:** ugrfewghw

Did

Did BW just drop out of the ceiling

 **Charles:** why is there laughter coming from the vents?

 **Peter:** that’s Clint

 **Flash:** HAWKEYE

 **Sally:** did BW just pat Peter’s head

 **Abe:** huh

 **Flash:** what

 **Ned:** excuse me

 **Peter:** yeah, it be like that sometimes

_Scientists at Work_

**Ned:** this code is incredible!

The new Starkphones look _waay_ better than the iPhones

 **Sally:** the robots look brilliant too

 **Peter:** look up

 **Charles:** :0

 **Abe:** BRUCE BANNER???

 **MJ:** oof, I gotta go talk to him

_Robotics Lab_

**Sally:** look!!!

VIDEO234

It moves!!

 **Betty:** so cool!!!

 **Ned:** I so wanna work here

 **Peter:** Mr. Stark said he’d drop in

 **Flash:** :0000

 **Abe:** I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS FOR HIM

_Driving Home_

**MJ:** that was pretty cool

 **Betty:** ikr

What do we say kids?

 **Everyone:** thank you peter

 **Peter:** bow to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i rlly hate this one
> 
> you have no idea how hard it was to type this


	44. Nicknames, So Many Nicknames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everyone has nicknames for peter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter idea by NoctemDecore thanks sis

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

so today I was texting Ned and MJ and Mr. Stark looked over at my phone and was Confused™️. We use a lot of nicknames In This House™️ so I decided to make a list. Feel free to add more. @IAmIronMan @guyinthechair @crisissketchbook @princessshuri @harleyeehaw

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

pete, petey, lil pete, peterson, peterman, yeeter, big p, parker, just parker, kid, the tall one, the weird one, General Kenobi, pp, luke, father, pbp, peanut butter, benny boo, little ben, mini parker, Star Wars Friend 2™️, he who shall not be named, the one who is always late, Death Star XVII, Meme Queen, Harley’s puppy, puppy, the easily excitable one, pete star, I could go _on_

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

Apparently I’m neddy, eddy, ed, edWARD, ard, ardo, leeds, lee lee, Star Wars Friend 1™️, han, geeky boi, geeky boy, the secret mean one, Jacob (idk), the guy in the chair, the guy on the floor, Second in Command (to MJ), he who is not single anymore, the best singer. I don’t even know anymore.

**> > emjay @crisissketchbook**

I am simply MJ and ‘The One We’re All Scared Of’

**> >> TStark @IAmIronMan**

I-I am amazed by you kids everyday

**> >>> better than you @princessshuri**

Oh, you should hear what we call you, Stark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter= fun to write, not fun to type
> 
> [My Immortal](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13351337/1/My-Immortal) is finished!!! I'm posting half of it today and half tomorrow. Please check it out!!!! I spent like 2 months working on it and it was a _pain_.
> 
> I finally finished writing all the chapters of this story. The only thing left to do now is post em. I hope you enjoy this story!!! :)))
> 
> Tony's nicknames by Ned, Peter, MJ, Harley and Shuri (as requested by SHINee_is_life):  
> the billionaire  
> sponsor #2  
> old man  
> peter's dad #3  
> stark  
> peter's dad  
> the one who destroyed the environment when he used to make weapons but doesn't anymore  
> him  
> entitled dude  
> scared boi  
> dad guy  
> the one who gave me a weapon  
> the best dad in the world  
> the worst dad in the world  
> the okay-est dad in the world  
> my dad :)  
> nickname king  
> drama king  
> my hero!  
> the one i am superior to  
> his hero  
> irondad  
>  _the_ irondad  
> peter's irondad  
> sunglasses  
> suit man  
> karen's dad  
> the one with too many kids  
> future dad-in-law 
> 
> these were a few off the top of my head :) enjoy


	45. Don't You Just Hate Spider Puns?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rlly bad puns written by your's truly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter idea by Rayyyyyyy thanks sis
> 
> For everyone who missed it yesterday, [My Immortal](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13351337/1/My-Immortal) is finished!!!!!! :))))) Please check it out, I would love that. (heads up, it's on fanfiction.net)  
> It has taken me so long to edit and do, and I just finished putting up all the chapters a few minutes ago. So if you're an HP fan, please take a look, it would make my day!!!

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

You know, some of the things criminals say make my skin crawl

**> > Bird Watcher @whosonfirst**

Was…was that a pun?

**> > Ainsley has seen Toy Story 4 @amniboi**

Boooooooooo, you can do better than that

 

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

Me, to mugger: looks like you’re just another fly in my web!

Mugger: *applauds* you’re getting better

 

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

So I see this guy with a knife and I say “even without 8 eyes, the spider know when they catch prey _too_ disgusting.”

**> > Ainsley has seen Toy Story 4 @amniboi**

Better, better

 

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

I spotted a guy I’d seen committing crimes before so I say “you sure seem to be _sticking_ to this lifestyle.”

**> > Iron Miss @avengersfanatic**

This is why I follow you

 

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

I want people to know – I Spin Sins, Not Tragedies


	46. Loki Gets Punk'd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loki gets PUNK'DDDDD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loosely based off of [this chapter](https://archiveofourown.org/chapters/47139346) of [What would be your superhero name](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19194937/chapters/45631450) by [petersoftieparker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/petersoftieparker/pseuds/petersoftieparker)

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

I’m planning something big. Stay tuned.

**> > Doing my bestpacito @charli**

You can’t just leave us hanging like that

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthehcair**

Peter! I thought we decided that your idea was too dangerous!

**> >> better than stark @princessshuri**

Oh, this is going to crash and burn, isn’t it?

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Plan 7 of 56: Fail. Status: Hair on fire and cardboard attached to face due to unforeseen stickiness in sour cream pudding.

**> > Doing my bestpacito @charli**

Again: what in the name of the backpack in the back of my closet are you doing?

**> >> CaCaw @notapilot**

Answer: horrible, horrible things

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

[video of Loki walking into a room, the weird music after “Duh” in bad guy by Billie Eillish plays (you know the music) Loki looks up in confusion. Later, Loki opens the microwave and Friday’s speakers say “Now we got bad blood”] Plan 54 of 56 was a success. I HAVE PRANKED LOKI, GOD OF MISCHIEF!!!!!

**> > hiss imma snek @trickygod**

Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can't believe this story is nearly done! only 19 more chapters
> 
> [My Immortal](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13351337/1/My-Immortal) is finished!!!!!! plz check it out k bye


	47. The Science Children™️

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all in the title fam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been wanting to write this for a while

**Iron Miss @avengersfanatic**

Me: *notices Tony Stark ‘mentors’ a lot of kids*

Do they have a group chat called ‘Tony Stark’s Science Kids’?

**> > Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

Yes. Yes we do.

**> >> Iron Miss @avengersfanatic**

:0 who’s in the gc?

**> >>> Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

Hold on, let me get permission from everyone in the gc

**> >>>> Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

Lemme make a new thread

 

**Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

Iron Man’s Science Kids (as requested by @avengersfanatic): Peter Parker, Harley Keener (me), Michelle Jones, Ned Leeds, Spider-Man, Princess Shuri, Cassie Lang and 2 unnamed people. Morgan too, but she’s not in the group chat.

  **> > Iron Miss @avengersfanatic**

Oof, that’s a lot of people

**> > emjay @crisissketchbook**

Cassie says thanks for the name drop

**> >> Iron Miss @avengersfanatic**

Is she on twitter?

**> >>> Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

Nah, something about “it’s a waste of time” and “snapchat is better.” Also she says twitter is for old people. Idk man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think cassie is like 7 or 8 in ant-man, which came out in 2015, so since this story takes place in 2023 (i changed the dates), she'd be 15 in this.
> 
> the two unnamed people are Cooper Barton and Iron Heart (riri)
> 
> You guys know how spiders don't like peppermint? I was on my brother's Pinterest and I saw a tumblr post that said that Peter has to buy kid's bubblegum flavored toothpaste bc his mint one bothered him. And I saw another one where Tony gave Peter some gum and he spit it out like "WTF is this????" If there are any good stories about Peter and peppermint, could you please recommend them (or write one if you want)!!!!!
> 
> I made [this](https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/322971653) on Scratch.
> 
> Also [My Immortal](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13351337/1/My-Immortal) is finished!!!!!!  
> (and yes, I will shamelessly promote myself until I get reviews on it. kudos to the one person who did!!!)


	48. Peter Parker Knows More Songs Than You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter with a b @yeeterparkour  
> @whitewolf dared me to tweet in only song titles. You know I can never turn down a dare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (to be read in a sing-song voice): this one sucks, but that's okay

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

@whitewolf dared me to tweet in only song titles. You know I can never turn down a dare. Reply to this and I’ll respond. Starting… now

**> > Flash Flash Hundred Yard Dash @notfronDC**

So… what’s your name, parker?

**> >> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Call me maybe

**> > emjay @crisissketchbook**

What’s the street you live on?

**> >> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Old Town Road

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

Kid, did you and Clint try to cook again? because it shows, based off the mess

**> >> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

We didn’t start the fire

**> > cap’in @CaptainRogers**

Peter, would you like to join me on my morning run?

**> >> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

No.

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

There’s no way you can pull this off.

**> >> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

This Is Gospel, Miss Jackson. Sorry Not Sorry.

**> > Immortality Sucks @ogredandblack**

Your friends are really G-rated, Peter Parker. Too nice for their own good.

**> >> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Nice for what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> currently watching the entire avatar series (no spoilers please, this is my first time!!)  
> i might die, so that's a thing (jk u guys, i'm just super tired rn)
> 
> ruishDY FYGASFDYG k gdf vdgf I SLEPT FOR 9 HOURS AND I'M STILL TIRED


	49. The Divergent Trilogy Can and Will Break You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter with a b @yeeterparkour  
> @crisissketchbook told me to read Divergent. Let’s see how this goes.
> 
> *18 Hours Later*
> 
> peter with a b @yeeterparkour  
> OH. MY GOD.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't read this series in forever, so forgive me if i got something wrong.
> 
> SPOILERS FOR DIVERGENT, DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE SPOILED. I will put the factions in the endnote.

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

@crisissketchbook told me to read Divergent. Let’s see how this goes.

_*18 Hours Later*_

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

OH. MY GOD.

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

TRIS WASN’T SUPPOSED TO DIE. THAT’S NOT HOW THIS GOES. AND POOR URIAH, LIKE WTH. NO. JUST NO. NO.

_*12 Hours Later*_

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

after calming down and sleeping, my grief has gotten better! It’s time to put everyone in factions! I would be born Erudite or Amity and Choose Erudite! (despite their flaws)

**> > better than you @princessshuri**

Born Erudite. Choose Erudite.

**> > emjay @crisissketchbook**

Born Candor and Choose Erudite.

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

Same as MJ.

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

Same as Shuri, I guess.

**> > cap’in @CaptainRogers**

…after looking this up, I think pre-serum me had the attitude of a Dauntless and the build of an Amity. Post-serum me is Dauntless all the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peter: Born Erudite or Amity and Choose Erudite  
> Shuri: Born Erudite. Choose Erudite  
> MJ: Born Candor and Choose Erudite  
> Ned: Born Candor and Choose Erudite  
> Tony: Born Erudite. Choose Erudite  
> Steve: "pre-serum me had the attitude of a Dauntless and the build of an Amity. Post-serum me is Dauntless all the way."
> 
> Oh and btw for the people who haven't read Divergent:  
> Erudite is the smart one  
> Amity is the nice one  
> Abnegation is the selfless one  
> Dauntless is the "courage" insane fighters that jump out of trains  
> Candor tell the truth even if it'll hurt your feelings.


	50. We Can All Agree Peter is a Hufflepuff, Right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hogwarts houses!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw Far From Home. It wasn't as good as I was expecting but the end credit scene was rlly jerk-ish. I left the theater early so I didn't see the second one :( If anyone has a link to that, could u plz send it
> 
> Just a note, I believe in hybrid houses because no one is _just_ one house. Personalities are all over the place.

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Hogwarts Houses! Line up everyone! Just a reminder, the houses are more than their stereotypes! Gryffindor is bravery as well as loyalty! Hufflepuffs are kind, also loyal and great at teamwork! Ravenclaw is planning/strategy/intelligence! And the Slytherins are cunning, clever, ambitious and good leaders! Now let’s begin! I’m a Ravenpuff!

**> > Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

I’m Gryffindor

**> > better than you @princessshuri**

 Ravenclaw

**> > emjay @crisissketchbook**

Slytherin and Ravenclaw. Not or. And.

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

I think I’m all four? Not to brag, but I’m crazy good at school stuff, people say I’m kind, I’m ambitious and I’m loyal to my friends and family. So… idk.

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

Gryffindor/Ravenclaw

**> > cap’in @CaptainRogers**

I think I’m all four too… Bucky is Hufflepuff tho.

**> > your worst nightmare @russianroulette**

Slytherin. I order men twice my age around all day.

**> >> Bell Pepper @ppotts**

@russianroulette sameeeeee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okokokokokok so have you ever thought about couples on their wedding day? And they're holding hands and about to kiss. When one of them is Snapped? And the other is _devastated_ and they mourn the loss of their _husband_ not fiance but husband. But they move on, hold a funeral. And find someone else. And then everyone is brought back. And... the husband is confused. What happened? he asks. It's only been a minute for him. But his wife (not fiance. wife) found someone new. Everyone is sorry, but she _just_ found her new soulmate, and it's not fair to him. So the (ex) husband leaves. And cries. And curses Thanos because "WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY."  
> Have you ever thought about that?


	51. Charles is One Sad Boi™️

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter has vans now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some more of Charles, who is super fun to write.

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

[pic of Peter with high top Vans] how do you like me now????

**> > salsa la vista @sallyyy**

Stop flexing on us poor people

**> >> abe lincoln @abeyman**

^^^^^^^

**> > Doing my bestpacito @charli**

I remember when you were one of us. Poor. Sad. Alone. You’ve really got it made, don’t you Peter.

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthchair**

Nice vans.

**> > BB Gunz @bcooper**

Why is Charles crying???

**> >> BB Gunz @bcooper**

Oh, I see.

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

everyone thinks I’m some rich guy now, but it took me a year to save up for these.

**> > Doing my bestpacito @charli**

I suddenly feel better.

**> >> emjay @crisissketchbook**

I don’t understand you Charles.

**> >>> Doing my bestpacito @charli**

As it should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot Cindy existed... for the rest of the story Charles replaces cindy


	52. The Most Satisfying Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what is the most satisfying thing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk, i'm running out of ideas.
> 
> Please read [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20143201#main) I wrote it, it's a poem, please comment, I'm kinda proud of it :)

**Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

Ok, so real talk. Pouring Elmer’s glue on your hand, waiting for it to dry and peeling it off is the most satisfying thing ever.

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

ACTUALLY, watching a slow-rise squishy rise is the most satisfying.

**> >> Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

No dude. watching water collect into one big drop (#surfacetension) is the most satisfying.

**> >>> emjay @crisissketchbook**

Dominos

**> >>>> BB Gunz @bcooper**

Idk, I kind of like marching bands sped up.

**> >>>>> abe lincoln @abeyman**

You guys clearly don’t know the joy of watching roads being paved

**> >>>>>> Doing my bestpacito @charli**

POWER WASHING IS A BEAUTIFUL THING TO WATCH

**> >>>>>>> salsa la vista @sallyyy**

Coloring a box in a perfect, neat manner. It is amazing.

**> >>>>>>>> TStark @IAmIronMan**

The most satisfying thing is watching fail compilations. Duh.

**> >>>>>>>>> Harley-Davidson @harleyeehaw**

Ok, so the glue thing is the _second_ most satisfying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **i have to be honest, i'm getting annoyed with this story. should i just get rid of it? i don't really like this as much, re-reading everything. and some comments annoy me. and the story sucks. i hate it. should i take it down?**
> 
> random note, but whenever i think the words "who do you think you are" i always say them in the way it's said in mia khalifa (the song.) this is only relevant because tony tweets the words in ch 20 and dont think i didnt say it when i was writing it.  
>  
> 
> Also, news!!!! Someone commented on My Immortal!!! It was hate!!! On me!!! They said it was plagiarism, but considering (a) I clearly stated the content was not mine, (b) the author is grown up and wrote a novel on why she wrote the story [she was in the foster system] and no longer gives a crap about the story, (c) if you really think about it, the content is mine and mine alone since the edits were done by me, therefore, it is a new story and is my property and (d) people have reposted the original, unedited story and never gotten backlash. I simply changed the spelling, making it different. It is actually more original than the other people's reposts. And I am getting yelled at by a random internet person. People get worked over *nothing* smh. I smiled when I saw the review, this person is super pissy. *do not go looking for the person who wrote the review, that's harassment and illegal* and if the person reads _this_ story, well, to quote Taylor Swift, YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN!!!!


	53. Never Play Paintball with the Avengers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> paintball is dangerous even if you aren't playing with the Avengers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: *has never played paintball*  
> also me: what if i write about paintball???

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

I’m going to play paintball with the avengers and never in my life have I been so terrified. Well, @guyinthechair knows what Vines to quote at my funeral. See you then.

_*8 Hours Later*_

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

NEVER PLAY PAINTBALL WITH HAWKEYE. OR BLACK WIDOW. OR ANY OF THE AVENGERS. #IWillBeSoreUntilIDie

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Clint hid in the towers and got everyone. Nat kept popping up out of nowhere and nailing people in the gut. I made an alliance with Bruce, who is surprisingly good. Sam and Bucky went all out at each other. Wanda used her magic as a shield and teamed up with Steve. Tony somehow used math to dominate and Thor simply pointed and shot.

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

the whole thing was a mess, but I had a lot of fun.

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

Glad to hear it kid.

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

I would sell my soul to play paintball with the Avengers

**> >> Flash Flash Hundred Yard Dash @notfromDC**

What soul?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have decided to see this story through. thank you all for your kind words!!!!
> 
> (not so) Fun Fact: If you ever want to write about hypothermia, one of the symptoms before death is paradoxical undressing where the victim feels irrationally, unbearably hot due to shot nerves despite being in freezing temperatures and take their clothes off, exposing themselves to the cold even more.


	54. Peter Pets Dogs (and other short stories)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter works at the animal shelter now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> esdfghjtrdxcvbhyutdfxcvbnhgfcvbn hi  
> 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

[pic of puppy in Peter’s arms] I’m volunteering at the animal shelter.

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

Just to clarify. YOU ARE NOT BRINGING HOME ANY LIVING CREATURE. Understood?

**> >> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Sigh… okay.

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

[pic of Morgan holding a puppy] Morgan loves the animals! (and yes, I told her we couldn’t have one)

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

Peter… my sister wants a dog for her birthday… hook me up.

**> >> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Call me

 

**Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

Victoria loves her new dog! [pic]

**> > Daddy’s girl @mstark**

Daddy said we can play together?

**> > Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

My mom said yes! T-minus 30 minutes, heading your way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made Ned's sister's name Victoria because I'm pretty sure Ned is short for Edward, which is a royal sounding name, so I decided her name needed to be royal too.
> 
> I have the greatest prompt to ever be seen, click [here](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-TVmp6LDFXSA/XU287aIvuJI/AAAAAAAADqA/ld8H8QfAYAIe4_7R7tltv236bvDXwzvbwCK8BGAs/s0/SOMEONE%2BWRITE%2BTHIS%2BIDC.jpg)


	55. Happy 18th Peter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Peter's Birthday!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll have you know i planned this so that i put it up on peter's birthday.

**TStark @IAmIronMan**

[pic of Tony with his arm around Peter] Even though we haven’t known each other since the beginning, the 4 years we’ve spent together have been some of the greatest (if not most exasperating) years of my life. Happy 18th Birthday kid.

**> > peter with a birthday @yeeterparkour**

Thank you so much Mr. Stark! this means so much, getting birthday wishes from my idol. I think I’m finally ready to stop calling you Mr. Stark. Thanks again Dr. Stark!

**> >> TStark @IAmIronMan**

Let’s stick with Mr. Stark🙄

 

**may-be @mparker**

15 years ago, you were put in our care. You were an angel from the start, always helping, always thinking of ways to make life easier. I always knew you would do great things and look at you now! My baby boy’s all grown up! Congratulations on making 18 Peter, and have many, many more!

**> > peter with a birthday @yeeterparkour**

Thank you, Aunt May! Over the years, we’ve grown a close bond, and despite not being blood, I see you as the mother I never had. Thank you for being there for me!

 

**peter with a birthday @yeeterparkour**

[video of everyone singing Happy Birthday as Peter cuts a chocolate cake. He eats a piece before smearing it on Harley who smears it back. The video cuts off into laughter. The video is a physical representation of love itself.] Thank you to all who wished me Happy Birthday! And a special thanks to Shuri who appeared in the middle of the party, scaring the crap out of Mr. Stark when you were testing your teleportation device.

**> > better than you @princessshuri**

It was an honor making Stark jump 6 feet into the air

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D


	56. Peter Can't Drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter can't drive, as seen in Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be real for a minute... my chapter from yesterday was maybe the cheesiest thing I've ever written. And I write birthday cards like "I hope you have an awesome birthday and a great year and all the next are wonderful and hugs and kisses and fluff sugar love bunnies and" (jk on the last part) but seriously, not my best work, but you all loved it so thank you for that.
> 
> also eid mubarak to all my fellow muslim peeps

**Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

Whoever decided Peter was fit to get a license can burn in hell.

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

It’s not my fault gays can’t drive

**> >> Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

But you’re not gay.

**> >>> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Then I got nothing.

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

to the people who’s mailboxes were run over – I’m sorry.

**> > salsa la vista @sallyyy**

Apology not accepted

**> >> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

☹

**> >>> salsa la vista @sallyyy**

That doesn’t work on me

 

**emjay @crisissketchbook**

@IAmIronMan teach your kid to drive

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

Believe me, I’ve tried. He once managed to crash even when there was nothing to crash into.

**> >> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

I’ll have you know that pebble was a lot bigger than I expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love you guys


	57. First Day of School (boo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its the first day of school for the acadec team

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter idea by Shleapord thanks sis
> 
> i was writing this when i realized the story takes place in the summer.  
> and then i realized peter is 18 and goes to college now  
> so pretend this takes place in the past  
> i am so stupid

_The AcaDec Group Chat_

[8:57]

 **Charles:** do you think pigeons have feelings?

 **Betty:** aren’t you in class?

 **Charles:** free period

 **Peter:** the answer is no.

Pigeons are heartless creatures

 **Abe:** what have pigeons ever done to you?

 **Peter:** horrible, horrible things

[9:31]

 **Flash:** did anyone ever notice the spot on Mr. M’s face?

 **Betty:** me

 **Sally:** me

 **Ned:** me

 **MJ:** me

 **Peter:** which one

[10:17]

 **Sally:** math sucks

Math can die

GO SOLVE YOUR OWN PROBLEMS

 **Betty:** yeah math

 **Charles:** go to hell

 **Abe:** stop bullying math

English is way worse

[11:12]

 **Sally:** did you hear about Tyler?

 **Flash:** yeah he got arrested for it

 **Abe:** too bad. Now I can’t copy off of him

 **Sally:** Abe! Don’t you feel bad?

 **Abe:** nah he was a jerk

 **Sally:** to you

 **Abe:** no, to all the POCs in the school

 **Sally:** oh. Sorry

 **Abe:** its cool

[12:39]

 **Charles:** one minute has passed since class started

And I am bored

 **Abe:** same

 **Betty:** same

 **Ned:** same

 **Peter:** same

 **MJ:** same

 **Flash:** same

 **Charles:** same

 **Ned:** ?

[1:15]

 **MJ:** heads up. We’re reading F451 in English

 **Peter:** yes!

I already read it

 **Flash:** lucky

 **Charles:** ^^^^^^

[1:47]

 **Ned:** doesn’t it seem like the first day of school sucks more than usual?

Like the author of the story forgot it was set in summer

And decided to just make it the first day

 **Peter:** what

 **MJ:** are you high

 **Charles:** are you smoking weed rn?

[3:20]

 **Flash:** why can’t school just be over already

 **Peter:** the universe hates me

And by extension

My school

 **Abe:** what did we do to deserve this?

 **Ned:** idk

But this is Parker Luck at it’s finest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im going to camp this week so i dont know if i can update as early


	58. Mina meets Peter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spidey’s #1 Fan @excitemintmya*s  
> Off to meet a friend!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter idea by Jackson_Overland_Frost and Belle513 thanks guys (sises? idk the plural of sis)
> 
> you asked, and i have delivered. mina meets up with peter

**Spidey’s #1 Fan @excitemintmya*s**

Off to meet a friend!

 

**DMs with @web_slinger (in the POV of @excitemintmya*s)**

**Spidey’s #1 Fan:** thank you for agreeing to meet with me!

 **That Web Dude:** no problem

Except my nervousness/anxiety

That’s the problem

 **Spidey’s #1 Fan:** no worries, I get nervous

I won’t bite

My little brother might

 **That Web Dude:** lol

How is it that despite the fact that I’m Spider-Man, you’re more chill

 **Spidey’s #1 Fan:** trust me, I’m shaking on the insides

I’m meeting one of my idols!

 **That Web Dude:** really, who?

 **Spidey’s #1 Fan:** …

 **That Web Dude:** jk. But I’m not rlly someone to admire.

Just doing my job

 **Spidey’s #1 Fan:** sure

It’s so weird to think you’re “younger” than me

But you’re older

 **That Web Dude:** ikr

If you don’t mind me asking, how was it when everyone got Snapped?

No one will tell me anything

 **Spidey’s #1 Fan:** terrifying. I was only 14 and my little brother just vanished

 **That Web Dude:** I’m sorry

 **Spidey’s #1 Fan:** no, it’s okay

Wait… if you were born in 2001

And me in 2004

And I was 12 in 2016

And you were 14

That doesn’t make sense…

 **That Web Dude:** author is confused too

 **Spidey’s #1 Fan:** what?

 **That Web Dude:** idk

 **Spidey’s #1 Fan:** I’m here

 **That Web Dude:** are you the one in the purple shirt?

 **Spidey’s #1 Fan:** yup

 **That Web Dude:** cool

_*3 Hours Later*_

**Spidey’s #1 Fan @excitemintmya*s**

It went great, we had a lot of fun.


	59. Loki Learns Midgardian Culture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> featuring loki, peter, and bambi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter idea by Belle513 thanks sis  
> Note: There are very, very minor Harry Potter spoilers in this chapter. Skip the last tweet if you want to avoid them.

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

I have taken upon myself the duty of teaching @trickygod (aka Loki) about human culture. We’re about to play Mario Kart.

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

UPDATE: Loki is surprisingly good at Mario Kart. I’m going to record him while we watch Bambi.

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

[video of Loki watching Bambi. “What kind of monster kills a child’s mother? Do humans ever think before mindlessly causing destruction?”] #BambiIsSad #LokiIsSad #EveryoneIsSad

**> > hiss imma snek @trickygod**

The movie was very… touching, in a way. Makes one appreciate their mother.

 

**hiss imma snek @trickygod**

I read the Midgardian series “Harry Potter” and watched the movies with Peter. Why must the toad form book 5 be so cruel? And Snape? Just because he loved the boy’s mother doesn’t make his actions are justified.

**> > Team IronDad @readthebookfirst**

EXACTLY SNAPE WAS A JERK, SCREW SNAPE!

 

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Conclusion: Loki is a fast learner and he really hates Severus Snape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah so i'll be posting around this time, whatever time that is for you, i'm not telling you guys my time zone. but it's around 7pm for those on the east coast


	60. Nightmares Happen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everyone gets nightmares sometimes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter idea by themiseryshack, thanks sis and i'm sorry.  
> i'm really sorry that this chapter is so short. but this is all i have. accept my apologies.
> 
> i managed to post before i leave so here u go

**That Web Dude @web_slinger  
**Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who still has nightmares about Thanos. I don’t know why it still hurts, why I can still feel myself flying away. I hate it so, so much and I want it to stop.

**> > TStark @IAmIronMan**

Hey, kid, it’s okay. Everyone gets scared sometimes. I still have nightmares too. Unfortunately, it comes with being a hero. But we can work through it, you and I. because you’re one of the strongest people I know. And not because you can lift 10 tons. Because you keep bouncing back. Stay strong kid, because you have the whole world on your side.

**> >> That Web Dude @web_slinger**

Thanks, Mr. Stark. That means a lot.

_*1 Week Later*_

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

Some of you might have seen my late-night tweet from a week ago. Some people were worried, but yes, I had someone with me and yes, I’m getting help. I want people to know that they are not alone. Even if it feels like there is no one in your corner, I guarantee there is someone. Even if that someone is me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm embarrassed by this chapter. ughhhh i really didn't want to post this.


	61. The Candy's Out of the Bag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> someone took peter's candy :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter idea by Superherogeek1 thanks sis

**peter with a b@yeeterparkour**

Someone ate my candy and if they don’t own up in the next 160 seconds, someone is going to perish.

**> > your worst nightmare @russianroulette**

I will get them for you Peter.

**> >> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

You guys hear that? Nat’s going to get you. You have T-minus 40 seconds to confess before I check the security feed.

**> >>> CaCaw @notapilot**

All right! All right, it was me, I confess, I just really wanted Smarties. Nat, will you go easy on me?

**> >>>> your worst nightmare @russianroulette**

Never.

**> >>>> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

You shall pay.

 

 **your worst nightmare** **@russianroulette**

[pic of a dazed Sam with a bloody nose. He is covered is honey and bird feathers. Peter triumphantly eats Smarties in the background.] I caught a falcon.

 

_*3 Hours Later*_

**CaCaw @notapilot**

I _finally_ got all the honey off. Remind me to never eat Peter’s food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> camp is over you dope children (inside joke)
> 
> **Question: For my friends who had to suffer through braces like me, did you end up getting a removable or permanent retainer? I'm getting mine off soon (yaay!!!!) but I don't know which type of retainer to get. I had an overbite and had an expander before braces on all of my teeth. Thoughts?**


	62. Peter ‘Betrays’ Iron Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tony stark is offended

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter idea by Lil_Bit03 thanks sis
> 
> Thank you all for the braces advice, I'll probably get a permanent one.

**TStark @IAmIronMan**

I caught Peter going through the trash with Ned and Bruce looking for old tech (with the owner’s permission of course). This is not what upset me. Peter (and Bruce) found OsCorp tech and said “Hey, good find.” Never in my life have I been more offended. OsCorp. A “good find.” What a back stab.

**> > peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

What can I say, Mr. Stark? One nerd’s trash is another nerd’s treasure. Even if the other nerd happens to be OsCorp.

**> >> Nedthaniel @guyinthechair**

A nerd takes whatever he can get his hands on in this godforsaken land.

**> >>> green guy @DrBruceBanner.**

Besides, Ned and I don’t _really_ work for SI, and does it count as helping the enemy if Peter’s making stuff for himself?

**> >>>> TStark @IAmIronMan**

I guess…

But how did you guys even _get_ to the residential areas of Manhattan from the Tower?

**> >>>>> peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

Oh, Clint drove us.

**> >>>>>> perfect shot @birdarcher**

I never thought I’d be betrayed by the kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter ideas are closed, please and thank you, the story is written out and will not be added to.


	63. Toss Me that Household Object

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> four teens. four objects. will they survive?

**peter with a b @yeeterparkour**

[video of Tony via Friday’s cameras. Tony holds up his hand. “Toss me my keys. I wanna go for a drive.” Peter hefts a printer (with feigned struggle) at Tony. “What the -” “I thought you said printer!!!”] got him

 

**better than you @princessshuri**

[video of King T’Challa via security feed. “Shuri, could you throw me my keys?” He asks. Shuri throws a pine tree. “Where did you get that?” He asks in surprise. “I thought you said Christmas Tree.”] I wanted to keep @yeeterparkour ‘s trend going.

 

**Flash Flash Hundred Yard Dash @notfromDC**

[video of Flash’s dad. “Eugene, throw me my keys please.” He says. Flash throws a copy machine at him. “Eugene!!!!” “I thought you said copy machine!”] We had an old copy machine. I got grounded, but it was worth it. @yeeterparkour @princessshuri

 

**emjay @crisissketchbook**

[video of MJ and Peter via Ned’s phone. They’re cleaning out a garage. “Could you hand me those keys?” Peter says. MJ smirks before throwing a lamp. Peter shrieks and MJ says “I thought you said lamp!”] Finally got him @yeeterparkour @princessshuri @notfromDC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~two chapters left~~


	64. Everyone Is Proud of Peter :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter's done it! :)

_Avengers Official Group Chat_

**Peter:** and that’s how I learned to never feed a chicken grapes.

 **Scott:** intense

 **Steve:** Peter, we have something we would like to ask you

 **Peter:** uhh… I didn’t do it.

Nope definitely not.

 **Bucky:** …not what we were asking

 **Peter:** oh.

Then carry on

 **Tony:** …anyways

Oh behalf of SHIELD and the Avengers. Would you like to officially join our team?

 **Peter:** …

 **Bruce:** Peter?

 **Sam:** I think he’s broken

 **Peter:** asdfghjkl yes

Oh my god, this is happening

 **Clint:** yup

 **Nat:** we aren’t kidding

 **Steve:** of course, you would need to sign the *revised* Accords and reveal your identity.

 **Tony:** are you going to do that _every_ time you mention them?

 **Bucky:** yes

Yes he will

 **Peter:** done

I’ll do it

I’ll sign anything

Make me an Avenger

 **Thor:** pleased to see you on the team young spider!

 **Scott:** another bug!

 **Nat:** welcome Spider-Man

 **Sam:** glad to see you on the team

 **Tony:** congrats Mr. Parker

 **Steve:** good job kid

 **Peter:** thanks you guys

Can I tell Ned?

 **Tony:** it could be a surprise

 **Peter:** too late

nedreaction.jpg

mjreaction.jpg

Can I reveal my id on twitter?

 **Tony:** sure

 **Peter:** wait!

Does May know?

 **Tony:** obviously.

We had to clear it with her first.

 **Peter:** oh okay

mayreaction.jpg

she’s so proud of me!

 **Bruce:** believe me Peter, everyone is.

 **Sam:** it takes skill to become an Avenger

 **Peter:** thanks guys

I can’t believe this is happening!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is the last chapter :(


	65. An Identity Reveal and Last Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter reveals his identity to the world

**The Avengers @AvengersOfficial**

The Avengers welcome Spider-Man to the team! As a member of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, Spider-Man has signed the Sokovia Accords and is to reveal his identity to the world. Stay tuned for a tweet from @web_slinger.

 

**That Web Dude @web_slinger**

From this day forth, I’m an Avenger! That means giving up my name to the world. It is *drumroll* Peter Parker, the Stark Intern!!!! Does everything make sense now? 🙃 [Proof](https://pm1.narvii.com/6857/8f38bbeb8004906331c1f26b1b8d873048bd5fa4v2_hq.jpg)

 

**TStark @IAmIronMan**

Congratulations Spider-Man on reaching your dreams of becoming an Avenger! Knew you could do it, kiddo (and yes, I knew Peter was Spider-Man.)

 

Peter looked up from his phone with a grin. “Flash is loving my new identity reveal.” He says out loud. He looks around the room before turning to look directly at _you_. “Oh,” Peter says. “I thought I was alone. Did you like the story? Yeah, November Clouds can be a bit dramatic at times but she pushed me into doing it. I couldn’t resist saying yes.

“This was really fun to do. But I’m afraid this is all you’ll be getting form this story. Until then…”

November Clouds comes out from the other room. “Stay lovely, lovelies.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't believe it. It's over. After all this time. I planned the number of chapters perfectly, so I start school tomorrow. To everyone who says "Wow, it starts late" my school ends late, too. So it's not too fabulous.
> 
> I wrote this chapter before I wrote a lot of other chapters, so this has been planned out since early July. Is it an original ending? I hope it is
> 
> I'm not going to respond to any more comments after this (except if they're really important.)
> 
> Thank you to all my regular commenters who have been with me since the beginning. I made a list _ages_ ago, so the list is outdated, but it'll do. A special thanks to:  
> parkher  
> chipminkle  
> emospaceboi  
> Wheezardly  
> kiorran  
> sbiderwoman  
> highqualitynot  
> Jackson_Overland_Frost  
> diodella  
> frozenchaos9  
> introvertedpineapple  
> FandomisOhana
> 
> Thank you to the people who have joined us in the middle of the journey, too.
> 
> I don't know what else to say, but thank you, and wish me luck. I hate school. This is going to be fgvbhjiuytfvgbnjuytfhbmjkhujy.
> 
>  **As of 8/20/19:**  
>  Final kudos count: 1998  
> Final comments count: 589  
> Final bookmarks count: 202


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